Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds

Last month, I did a very public thing. I know a lot of people who would steer clear of public endeavors because, quite honestly, they're so...public. I did Pitch Wars. If you haven't heard of it, click here. It's an annual writing contest and a great way to meet new writer friends.

Anyways, so, I did this public twitter thing, and well, even though I had several requests from mentors I submitted to wanting my full manuscript, I sadly didn't make it in. There are some facts to this that make it less of a blow. The amount of submissions was crazy. I can't remember, nor find the tweet, but I think it was over 3k. The good thing is I don't have to wait 2 months while I edit with a mentor to submit to agents. There are some highs and lows. Pros and Cons.

After I found out I wasn't selected, I melted (while at work) internally but kept my brave face on (because I was working). When I got home, I was a water falling down into the sewer. However, by the next day, I made my agent wishlist, researching the crap out of them for a good match, and then the following day queried a small group of them.

I was hopeful. I had this "if the mentors liked me enough to see my work, maybe these agents will too!" attitude. But then, crickets. Ok, I will admit it has only been like a week, but still. Crickets. And ok, I admit some warned it can take up to 2 months to hear back from them, but still...crickets. Yet, I DID receive a request for a full the next day...that was NOT a cricket.

Surely I would get that phone call or email or something the next day, right? Surely! Who doesn't like surely?? I didn't. I still haven't. I'm waiting. Time is passing. I got one rejection (albeit from a very high end agent) with a personal email and not electronic which was nice.

Now, I sit and wonder many things to myself. Is my book worth the heartache? (yes) Is it worthy to be published? (yes) Was it divinely inspired? (yes)  Is this waiting reflecting on my self-worth? (yes) Am I looking at published authors with green envious eyes? (oh, yes) Am I internally kicking to do events like my published friends? (hell, yes) Did I arrogantly believe so much in my book I wanted to sing about it from the rooftops, but didn't get into Pitch Wars, and got only one agent request from Pitch Mad, and have not heard from agents queried other than 2, and now I feel like God mailed me some humble pie? (yes...)

Does time heal all wounds? (no)

In fact, as time goes on when you're querying, and you're not seeing your hardwork be fruitful like you believe it so can be, it's a little crushing. Ok, A LOT of crushing. It makes you wonder and ponder and doubt this whole writer stuff. But, like I've heard a million times over, the real writers are the ones that DON'T GIVE UP.

Will I give up? (no) Will I continue on? (yes) Am I writing another book? (yes) Have I even started plotting book2 of my Viking book? (yes) Am I praying every night to hear from the agent with my full manuscript? (hell to the yes!) Did the humble pie taste good? (no) But did I learn that forced humble pie isn't fun? (yes...)

Good luck out there everyone! No one said it would be easy - only worth it! What has the waiting room of querying looked like for you?

** A SPECIAL thank you to all our men and women serving our country, be it firemen, police officers to our military **

Love your guts,

-Tammy-