Gotta Love a "QUICKIE" - with Annalisa Crawford

The ever so European Annalisa Crawford is going on a blogging book tour June 3-18!!

(Jump below for the dates and links...)

 

But FIRST you'll want to read her preview tour

"Quickie"

so you can feel that oh, so good satisafaction in a small bit of time.

*Plus I will chose ONE random commenter to hit ECSTASY and win a FREE eCOPY OF:

Annalisa...here are you're 3 Question "Quickies":

 

 

1. When I read, I like to bloat myself up with snacks and regret it later. But the book I never regret. I'm gonna let you be my "food conceirge". What snack, dessert, dish, or drink goes best with each story? Mix and match if needed.

Firstly, thanks for having me over Tammy! Ooh you do ask great questions... Okay, let's think carefully about this. Starting from the easiest:

 

--I'd say eat an omelette when reading Omelette!

--Jo in Portrait of the Painter eats bread and butter with the crusts cut off - the paint

  smeared hands are optional.

--People have been truly chilled when they read That Sadie Thing, so a brandy might help

   you to calm down again.

--I'd probably make you a great British cup of tea for The Walking Dead & Shadows of   
   Autumn - a hug in a mug.

--And, because I can't believe I've never written a story about chocolate, a really big box of 

   Belgian chocolates to eat with the rest!

2. I hear there are some unknowns. Maybe a shoebox hidden underground of writing that never made the book? Please explain while I go get the shovel.

Yes there are, & they should never be dug up. I have completely disowned Paper Moon. It was my 3rd story published & in a brand new magazine in 1995 - I was in the second and last issue - so I think they were desperate. It was the first & only time I'd written about real people. I think I was trying to work through a few issues of my own... It was about a woman who was kidnapped by her male best friend on her wedding day because the best friend was in love with her. Like I said, it was not good!

A second one I decided not to include was called For the Children. It was my attempt at a dystopian story about a future society where the rich and poor are kept separate by zoning. But one day a rich man stubbles into the poor area and sees for himself the true poverty. He decides to take a poor child home with him, but his wife shops him to the police. Actually, it might be worth revisiting this one - I think I was just a little out of my comfort zone when I wrote it.

3.Your story ideas are impeccable. I always wonder what trickery you're going to use at the end making me say: "Whoa! Why do you like messing with my blood pressure?". Explain your thought process while I fill my new script for metoprolol.

Aw, thank you. Sometimes I don't have anything more than a first line, so I have no idea where the story's going. The Girl who is Good, for example, started out with a great first line, & I thought I was going to write a story about bulimia. I think in a way it is - it depends how literal you want to take the whole split personality thing.

I actually love messing with your head (& your blood pressure). I love 'what if?', so if I've got a man who's in psychiatric care, why shouldn't the werewolves he hears be real? Why shouldn't the devil be the cat sitting on the window ledge? Or I'll have an idea for a great death scene, and as a reader you'll spend the entire story wondering if the character will really die.

What I love more than anything is writing stories that the reader can interpret in different ways - I'm always thrilled when I hear people's opinions about what they think has happened. I know what really happens at the end of my novella Cat and The Dreamer, but I'm never going to tell you!

Well now...and here I thought we were besties! For shame!

I've read, tried, & checked my blood pressure on several occasions.

 "THAT SADIE THING and other stories" is a must have!!

 

 

NOW... here are all the awesome blogs Annalisa will be featured in!!

 

3 June - Christine Rains - http://christinerains-writer.blogspot.co.uk/

4 June - Kyra Lennon - http://kyralennon.blogspot.co.uk/
6 June - Murees Dupe - http://dailydramaofanaspiringwriter.blogspot.co.uk/
7 June - Julie Flanders - http://julieflanders.blogspot.co.uk/

10 June - Elizabeth Seckman - http://eseckman.blogspot.co.uk/
11 June - Linda King - http://excusemewhileinotethatdown.blogspot.co.uk/

12 June - Tania (TF) Walsh - http://tfwalsh.wordpress.com/

13 June - DL Hammons - http://dlcruisingaltitude.blogspot.co.uk/

14 June - Clare Dugmore - http://claredugmorewrites.blogspot.co.uk/

17 June - Rachel Schieffelbein - http://rachelmarybean-writingonthewall.blogspot.co.uk/
18 June - Michelle Wallace - http://www.writer-in-transit.co.za/

****Have you read the book? What is your favorite story? Did you enjoy your "Quickie"?****

 

MY LIVE, not so really but kinda, INTERVIEW WITH ALEX CAVANAUGH

It was a dark and stormy night...
 
I walked down a questionable alley to an abandoned warehouse, being told to meet there by way of a ninja star thrown at my front door with a note attached. (Really? Who does that? That was a brand new door!)
I stepped inside, sitting down in the only chair there, and felt a rush of wind pass me. "Alex Cavanaugh? Is that you?"
"Maybe."
"Well, let's get this going. I have to see a man about a horse." What? I love a good Palomino...
 
*This interview is a creative writing exercise.

1. Whoa, Alex, what is with the costume?

 

It’s my Ninja outfit. You do know I’m a Ninja, right? This is our uniform. Plus I have to keep my identity a secret. It’s in the Ninja Handbook. Chapter three, page twenty.

*pulls out handbook* Ok, Alex, it reads: "Under all Ninja outfits, each Ninja will uphold the secret codes in their invisible underwear." Whoa, dude, I gotta see those!! (Click)

Sorry, those were lost in the dryer…


2. I got a call from the Jerry Springer show. Is there a reason I am meeting you on stage?

Tammy, I’m your father. No? I’m your long-lost twin brother. Not buying that? All right, I’m the guy you cut off in traffic the other day, and I’m blaming you for my road rage and the thirty car pileup on the freeway. I may or may not have taken out your mailbox as well. Paternity test!

I guess this is better than the time you took me on Maury and tried to claim 2 out of 4 of my Ninja kids weren't yours. I mean, come on!! They even look like you...well...the eyes, cause that's all I can see of them. Dang coded suits!

Even Ninja kids must stay in uniform. That’s on page fifty-two of the handbook.

I doubt that…oh wait, 52? It says “Ninjas are born in uniform. Not made.” And here I was thinking my kids just loved wearing black onesies and bokkens.  


3. I have a free cruise ticket for anywhere. Tell me where you want to go.

I don’t need a cruise. I’m already on the express elevator to hell, going down!! (You have seen Aliens, right? Yes? No? Nevermind…)

You might want to change into your flame retardant ninja suit then. Dang it! These kids of yours won't stop chopping my vegetable garden up with their killer sharp hands! I know these are yours...stop running away from me!! I need child support from your book sales! Stop!! Wait!! (Click)

And like that, the Ninja kids were gone…


4. I found a genie! I know, he looks like the guy on the corner, but he still wants to grant you 3 wishes. What are they?

Whirled peas! No wait, I don’t like peas. How about Kate Beckinsale? More than one of course, because my clones will all want one. That counts as one wish though!

Next, I want to be the best guitarist in the world. If I was that good, I wouldn’t have to tour or anything, I could just teach others. I mean really, do you know what goes on at those after show parties? I’m not waking up naked on top of the tour bus.

Finally, I want a teleporter because the commute to work is hell. All right, I confess I just want one so I can teleport Honey Boo-Boo into a black hole. (That’s still legal in this state, isn’t it?)

I told Kate about the invisible underwear...she backed out. I DO know what goes on after those parties...your pre-ninja boxers are on the flag pole still. I will say this, I'll bring Honey Boo-Boo...you push, plus, I'll tell Kate they are glow-in-the dark. Deal?

Maybe I can give them to Kate as a present…


5. Wanna go play at the playground down the street?

Sounds like a strip club I visited for a bachelor party. And no, I don’t want to go back…

Ouch! I just saw the YouTube clip of it. Looks like you got wacked in the eye! Should have worn those two eye protectors I told you about. Yeah, they may look like tassels, but trust me, they are eye protectors. Trust me...*devilish grin*


6. I’m gonna give you the opportunity to echo off the top of a Swedish Mountaintop. What are you going to say for the echo?

My lederhosen is crushing my Swedish meatballs!

Can I echo behind you? "I need a better nutcracker! Mine just broke!" I mean really...those soldiers are made out of flimsy wood. Oops...did that sound bad? No? Ok. (Click)


7. Knock – Knock

BANG! I told you I’d shoot, but you didn’t believe me. Why didn’t you believe me?

I did believe you, that's why I'm yelling at you from my army tank. Say hello to my little, not quite so little, friend! BOOOOSH! "REAP IT MURPHY!!"

You missed. Told you we Ninja are stealthy.

Did you say wealthy? You know I need that child support. Oh, you said stealthy. Crap.


8. Ok. 2 drinks are in front of you. I want you to test both, tell me what they taste like, & which you like.

Bleah! First one tastes like tar. Is my tongue still intact? I feel like I just licked asphalt. What is it? Coffee! Now that’s just cruel…
Second one is cold and creamy. I taste chocolate. And peanut butter! A Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup milkshake – awesome. Why does it glow though?

Um... I don't know. *puts on x-ray goggles* DUDE! I can totally see you!! Score!

Crap! Now you must sign this waiver and be sworn to secrecy. (Page seven in the handbook.) 
Page 7 says "everybody was kung-fu fighting....du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du." That IS one catchy tune. Heck I'll sign and pretend it's our ninja child support papers. Cha-ching!


9. If a ninja was Santa Claus, what exactly would he give us as presents?

He would give Ninja stars! Silver ones, gold ones, bronze ones… They’d come with a warning label of course. Ninja Santa wouldn’t want to be sued by an idiot trying to juggle them. Or take one orally. Or worse…

Use as Q-tips? Or TP? OUCH!


10. I generally don’t like personal questions, but I can’t help but ask, are you insane in the membrane, crazy insane, got no brain?

Unlike Cypress Hill, Ninjas aren’t crazy! We’re just misunderstood. You creep around at night all dressed in black for a couple years and see what that does to YOUR head.

Give you major split-ends? Make you always put a bowl on your head for haircuts? I'm confused.

You should’ve read the Ninja Handbook.

And just like that...the handbook was gone.

 

THE RECAP 

Thank you, Tammy! I’ve learned that underwear is overrated and that I should probably never play Santa Claus. Now, let’s go teleport Honey Boo-Boo into that black hole…

Don't forget what else we learned today! I really gotta take you on the Maury show again. That handbook, if it ever reappears, will make for some good leverage, or weight, as I use it against you. And I'm thinking of buying stock in Woolite.

BEST OF ALL...I SECRETLY (CLICKED) PICS OF ALEX!! CHECK THEM OUT!!

 

IF YOU ENJOYED THE INTERVIEW...YOU CAN BE NEXT! JUST SAY SO!

EMAIL ME AT : TAMMYBR12@GMAIL.COM

 

 

This FRIGGIN' month has started FRIGGIN' AWE-SOME!!

I apologize for my "explicit" language.

 

Please, don't shield your eyes from my obsessive cursing. It's going to be okay.

You will say the same when you read on!!

 

I was the lucky recipient of several FRIGGIN' AWESOME things this month!!

Please don't be jealous...it makes you gain weight.

 Instead, just say "FRIGGIN' AWESOME" & 10 good things will happen to you!!

(this statement has not been approved by the FDA or anyone really...)

  

 

1. Time for sailing, digging clams, crabbing, & getting mussels off the beach.

Here's what 70 degree weather looks like on beautiful Whidbey Island!

Don't be jealous of awesome beautiful islands.

 

 

2. I can finally enjoy a baseball game because now I'm watching my son play.

Can you say time for big pretzels? Yum! 

Don't be jealous of him doing awesome.

 

 

3. The sun told my dad & me, it was time for some father-daughter motorcycle riding.

We rode side by side for 3 hours & toured 2 islands!

Don't be jealous of my awesome sore bum.

 

 

4. After posting that I got asked to beta read, doors creaked opened.

 I got propositioned by a few more people!

Don't be jealous of my awesome new fat red pen.

 

5. I FINISHED MY BOOK & HAD MY COVER MADE BY MY TALENTED STEP-DAUGHTER!!!

 

"Living RunAway"

 

I just got a few AWE-SOME beta readers

 (Elizabeth Seckman, Nancy S. Thompson, Ciara Knight,

R.Mac Wheeler, Ryan Dalton & Celeste Holloway)

to help me finalize it!!

Don' be jealous of the crying & agonizing during awesome revisions.

 

 

*REMEMBER: 5 jealousies = 5lbs gained!!

 

**TIP TO LOSE ANY LBS GAINED WHILE READING THIS:

say "FRIGGIN' AWESOME" in comments for each pound gained

 

***MAKE ME GAIN WEIGHT: what "FRIGGIN' AWESOME" things did you do this month that will make me jealous???

 

 

 

MY LIVE, not so really but kinda, CHAT WITH GARY PENNICK!!

It was a dark and stormy night...
I spied Gary on his computer through his first floor window. He was laughing and typing readily while his dog, the infamous Penny, ran circles around his legs. So that's where Gary gets his energy. I thought thinking of all those long comments he writes. But can he interview without them??? To be continued...

**This interview is a test of creative writing skills!**

  

1. So, um, what is this place you asked me to meet you at?

 

I asked if you would kindly meet up with me at Harrison Hot Springs, British Columbia. You know, right beside the, "Sasquatch Parking Only", car space.

 

Dang it, Gary! Did you forget to pay rent on your space, again??  I’m NOT paying it for you this time. NO NO NO!!

Okay, you're correct, I didn't pay rent on MY my space.  However, my friend, the Sasquatch, told me I could now park for free.  And nobody's gonna argue with a Sasquatch! 

 

I just friend requested you...crossing my fingers you'll except!

2. If you could make me into a gnome, what would it look like?

 

I would really enjoy making you into a gnome. Make you a famous gnome. Be a celebrity in 'Gnome', Alaska. See you as the main feature in the next edition of 'Better Gnomes and Gardens'. You would look just like Geoffrey the garden gnome whose hat lights up when he gets exited. Here he is:

 Um, Gary…that’s not his “hat”. But your gnome seems to be very hairy.  You really gotta stop your Sasquatch searching. I swear you must be from Maine. You’re very obsessed with hairy things…

Actually, there is a hat on his head.  And it is his hat!  At the time, Geoffrey was smashing his way through a box.  That's why you cannot see his hat!  I don’t go searching for the Sasquatch.  The Sasquatch finds me.  In fact, my pal the Sasquatch, has given me ideas about hairstyles.  Or is that furstyles....Never been to Maine.  Is it nice there?

  

Well like I said, "Maine" is quite a "hairy" place. Your obsessions will fit in nicely.

3. Is it true that you tried to give me roses from the 711 down the street?

 

Yes, it's true. However, the 711 was out of roses. I managed to get some roses from the gas station at half price.

Wow! What a bargain shopper you are! Well, I guess then there is just no reason your Sasquatch parking spot wasn’t paid for… now is there.

I like to save money whenever I can.  The dude at the gas station told me if I waited a couple of hours longer, I could have had the roses for free by taking them out of the garbage can. Hello?!  The Sasquatch parking spot is for the Sasquatch.  The Sasquatch parks for free. The Sasquatch does whatever it wants. 

I’m curious what he “parks”. Maybe his big fat hairy butt…

 

4. Whoa...what's that stuff you're drinking?

It's combination of 7UP and V8 juice. I'm hoping by drinking this combination that my adding up skills will improve.

Just don’t buy a Dr. Pepper. I hear they only take full payment upon visits…but you can make that money up buying selling your Coke.

So what you're saying is that if I sell Coke, I can afford to visit Dr. Pepper.  Thanks for the suggestion. 

These suggestions have not been tested by the FDA.

 

5. If you could have a date with one celebrity, name her...or him.

Besides you? Okay, let me think. Dating one of those Kardashian ladies would be most fascinating. Always wanted to date somebody who has a name that sounds like some alien lifeform on Star Trek.

Wait till you see them with no pancake makeup on and girdles off…now you’re REALLY going to see some alien life forms!

Wow! Thanks for the visual I just had. Maybe better off trying to have a date with Joan Rivers. 

6. Gary? You ok?
No I'm not! That drink has made me sick. Knew I should of put the V8 in the container first.

I’ll take you to see Diet Dr. Pepper…he charges less!! Come on!

Oh is Diet Dr. Pepper still in this country.  I heard he moved to Britain where you can see him for free.

7. I’m going to lock you in a room full of one thing to eat only; what is that food?

Prawns! That way I could think of fish puns, just for the halibut. Of course, I would soon clam up before I started to flounder.

And now you having a Sasquatch parking spot just made sense to me…

That Sasquatch parking spot can be used by me. The Sasquatch thinks of me as a brother.

Does he refer to you as his little brother “Harry”?

 8. Would you say you can predict the future?

Not really. Although I can predict the past.

9. If you were to box one person in the ring, who do you want me to call?
That depended if somebody wanted to be placed in a box. Okay, call Rocky, as in Sylvester Stallone and not the flying squirrel.

*beep*beep* oh hey, he texted me back! Oh! He says he has to do another Expendables sequel and is low on black magic marker for his eyebrows and goatee so it’s a no go on account of his sagging face without it syndrome…buzzkill!! Got more Coke?

Oh well, send in Rocky the flying squirrel and his buddy, Bullwinkle the moose. I'll box 'em both! Oh yeah! I've got some Pepsi! Hope that's allowed.

I hear if you drink it before the match you’ll get a little “pep” in your step and speak in Spanish… “si”!

10. I know this is quite the personal question, but I must ask…are you a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world?

Of course I am. "I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic!"

Why are the little gnomes gathering behind you singing it, too?? Gary…I’m scared… Geoffrey’s hat just lit.

Oh how the little gnomes love to sing that song. Whenever I go outside in my garden wearing my blonde wig adn short skirt, they start singing that song. Don't be scared of Geoffrey's lit-up hat. It means he likes you. He really, really like you!

WHOA…what a visual.

 

**THE RECAP**

 Oh my, have I actually survived my interview with you, Tammy? I'm still in a state of shock that you would interview me! So let me see. I asked you to kindly meet up at the "Sasquatch Parking Only" location in Harrison Hot Springs. We established the fact that the Sasquatch is my friend and the Sasquatch has assured me I can park for free. Yep, nobody gonna' argue with a big hairy creature! Good news, the Sasquatch and myself are now officially your friends.

I informed you that if I could actually turn you into a gnome, you'd look like the bearded dude in the photo. Yep, you'd be a celebrity gnome and be in demand on every talk show going.

We worked out that I'm real thoughtful when it comes to buying you roses. I'm having a rethink about drinking a 7UP and V8 combo. It just doesn't add up. I would be better off trying to date Joan Rivers than some Kardashian alien lifeform. I'm hopeful that Dr.Diet Pepper can make me feel better after drinking that weird drink I had. I'd love to be locked in a room full of prawns. I can predict the past. I may well be boxing Rocky and Bullwinkle and end up with a "pep" in my step and speak in Spanish.."si!" I'll drink to that. To conclude, I'm a Barbie girl and the little gnomes in my magical garden love to sing that song whenever they see me wearing my blonde wig and short skirt.

How did I do, Tammy?

DANG IT, GARY!! YOU WERE SOOOOOO CLOSE! SO CLOSE TO NOT DOING A LONG COMMENT!! NOOOOOOOOO!!! In other news, I gotta give you mad props for ALMOST making it through. Heck I'll STILL give you a badge!! Wear it loud and proud!!

If you'd like to have a little fun and be interviewed, let me know!!

Email me at: tammybr12@gmail.com

IWSG: The HANGOVER After Pouring a Seckman!!!

 

All over the blogosphere I would hear about people joining THE CLUB.

You know, the CP club or Beta club.

 

They would hang out in clicks, drink writer's drinks, & dance like rowdy party animals.

I didn't have a pass in, being the new kid, but I could hear them thumping red pens to some wicked tunes.

SONGS CP's or Beta's JAM TO:

1. Your "Voice" is oh, so good

2. I can't seem to shake these plot holes

3. Prose my story playa!

4. You have dope MCs MR. DJ!

5. I aen't speel notin wroung sence I met youu

THEN ONE SPECIAL DAY...

 

The birds came flying in opening my curtains. A doe nudged me awake while my husband came in with my four kids singing "The Sound of Music" in unison all while carrying a metal tray of delectable breakfast treats. And a familiar white owl swooped in with a letter.

I broke the red seal and read:

 

 

"Tammy dearest oh, Tammy dearest. Where for out though...oh forget it!

Would you care to beta read my third Coulter book?"

LATER THAT NIGHT....

 

I was at that darn club. That elite club. I dressed in my best Jessica Rabbit dress, and sashayed up to Elizabeth Seckman and said:

 

"YES! Yes, I'll marry, I mean...beta read for you!"

 

CLIFF NOTES VERSION: I'M A BATA, I mean, BETA READER NOW!!

LEDGE NOTES VERSION: She's gonna hit it out the ballpark with her 3rd book!!

TO THE EDGE NOTES VERSION: It's about a Coulter... my only hint!

HOW DID YOU FEEL THE FIRST TIME YOU WERE ASKED TO BETA READ???

MY LIVE, not so really but kinda, INTERVIEW WITH CHRISTINE RAINS!!!

It was a "dark & stormy night" entering the bowels of apartment 13. Christine emailed to enter but at my own risk. Earlier I had noticed all other numbers in the dusty hall were marked in the 1300's, but her's stood at the end. Like the very end. Very very end...like the janitor's closet. "Christine?" I called out amongst broom handles & feather dusters. "Shhhhh...come back here. Quick!" she whispered in a panic. "Ok?" I said reaching past mops to find her in the dark. "Ow! That's my eye!" "Sorry! But what are you doing in here?" "Hiding. I HATE cleaning after them!" "Them?" "Dang it girl...you read some of my books, right?" "Ohhhh...them." I shuddered thinking of the mess. "Let's pass time & interview, eh?"

 

I've learned things about Christine, I've never known...and shudder again to think twice about!!

 

YOU'VE READ IT HERE FIRST!!!

*this interview style is a practice of spontaneous creative writing. Enjoy!

1. Disney called, they said you’re holding one of their princesses hostage. WTFrick??

I'm just covering for my harpy Meira. She had to have Cinderella and her incredible shoe collection. You just don't find glass slippers in stores these days. Disney has a whole freaky shoe treasure trove in that big old castle of theirs, and Meira wants it.

*pulls glass from foot* Trust me, glass slippers are overrated. Got any band-aids? I like the Disney Princess kinds.

I've got Harry Potter bandages. They glow in the dark. Lumos! Radioactive healing.

Expelliarmus!! I SAID PRINCESS BAND AIDS!! *pants* I am not a diva, I am not a diva, I am not a diva…

 

2. I have vacationed ALL over the U.S. growing up. I have one favorite tour spot though. Can you guess it?

Hmm, let's see. You're a mom and ride a motorcycle. So that means you're tough.  You would love a rough place like the dusty roads of Arizona or maybe the Badlands. No, wait, Dollywood. That's it.

Surprisingly…no. Come on girl, it’s every woman’s fantasy place. That’s my last hint!

Vegas! Vegas! Vegas!

GOSH DANG IT! NO!!! HERSHEY FACTORY IN HERSHEY, PENNSYLVANNIA!!! Cool thing, even the street lamps are in shapes of foiled Hershey kisses.

3. If you were given $20, what would you do with it?

I wouldn't go to Dollywood or Disney. I would lure the gorgeous neighbor boy over to cut my grass as I wash my car. There's nothing hotter than a shrieking middle-aged mom trying not to get sprayed by her toddler with a hose.

I think I just may pay your toddler in gummi bears to definitely hose you and cry “mommy, you’re stinky, you need a wash, too.” That’s not embarrassing, right?

Nope, not at all. I think that's happened, actually.

4. Finish this sentence: I have a lovely bunch of _______.

IwillnotsaycoconutsIwillnotsaycoconutsIwillnotsaycoconuts. Coco— uh, beans. Yes. To make homemade chocolate.

Mouths just watered everywhere… could you make a batch with that shredded white stuff on it? What’s that stuff called again? You know from palm trees??

Albino geckos?

5. I’ve got these free movie passes from when I was coddling those movie stars a few blog posts back. Which movie are we going to?

Weren't you talking about Sean Connery? He's in that new Fully Monty movie, right? Yeah, can you imagine that hotness. He'd take an old James Bond line and say: "My dear girl, don't flatter yourself. What I did this evening was for king and country. You don't think it gave me any pleasure, do you?"

I’m not sure about the movie being correct…but I WANT it to be correct. I would like the young dastardly Sean to say this while lying on a circular slow spinning 70’s velvet bed. *swoon*

6. One day, I want to buy my own sailboat and race my dad. What should I name it?

Hm, well, your dad is a great sailor with years of experience. You'd want to shock him with a name like “The Morbid Plunderer of the Sea.” Arrrr!

Oddly enough, you were right about my dad. What the flibberty jibbets? You sailed with him didn’t you!! You pirate traitor!!

I was under the influence of Davy Jones' locker stench!

The stench is rotten COCONUTS…wait, that just explained a LOT!

7. Gosh dang it! It’s raining again, and now we have to play indoors. You’re turn to pick the game!

Munchkin! No, Zombies! Wait, I want to play Apples to Apples. No! Let's play— *pulls out another game from the closet and everything topples on her head* Uh, maybe we'll play 50 game pick-up.

Maybe that should be a solo game…I gotta vendetta against a glass shoe store I need to take care of. Peace! *limps away* Stupid Cinderella couture.

8. Christine? What happened??

The Harlem Shake. It's the end of the world.

It’s more like the beginning of Mob Convulsions. Girl stop! You gotta do it like this *puts body on wall and starts convulsions*

You know, that's going to become all the rage now. And boy, do trends like that cause some rage.

I guess you could call that rage convulsions or “rage against the machine”. That is a catchy name. I’m going to create a hard core alternative band and name it that. Dang, I’m original!!

9. If you could interview a dead person, who would it be?

Well, it depends. Would they still be dead as I'm interviewing them? Can they be undead? I don't much like the idea of interviewing a zombie or an enraged ghost. Now a vampire, that's another story. I wouldn't interview Louis. He's a bit dull. Now Eric Northman, oh yes. Yes, yes, YES!

I’m sorry, I called him and Edward over to mow my lawn… this time I’m doing the spraying on myself as I lock the kids in the house…with Cinderella. She owes me big time for my booboo.

Put Edward near Eric and the sparkly one would be without a head within ten seconds. Talk about a booboo!

Considering I taught Edward the Harlem Shake, he would be deflecting all of Eric’s moves doing his rage convulsions. “Boo”yeah!!

10. I know we’ve had a long journey together but I need to ask, are you “going off the rails on a crazy train?”

I was riding a train?! That explains the noise. Whew. I thought I was just crazy. Thankfully it's the train.

Oh shoot girl…that was just me whining. It just sucks because I have no more lawns to have mowed. *throws hose down, walks in house, smacks Cinderella as her glass shoe comes off* I got it! Run kids! Run!!!

 

RECAP:

I don't know if I survived this interview yet. There's a rogue mower out there looking for something to cut down, and I see the princess is starting to Hulk out. Yikes! And here I was cheering for you while you smacked her around. Oh! What I learned about myself, yes. I learned that I like seeing a Disney princess roughed up, that I want to go to Vegas, and I need to say COCONUTS! Whew. That felt good. Thank you. * falls over *

 

Don’t forget what else we learned today, you have a shoe fetish with glass. You could possibly use that in a circus act as you walk all over glass & make another $20. You like to be a stinky mama, and have no shame in Eric seeing you as such since you believe he will devour sparkling things, so why be sparkling clean, right? And doing the Harlem Shake did not remove any of that filth, sparkle, or grass from the mower stuck in your hair. Dang, girl!

But, you DID earn your “I SURVIVED MY  INTERVIEW WITH TAMMY THERIAULT" BADGE!!!

WEAR IT LOUD AND PROUD AND AS "FILTHY" AS YOU WANT!!

 

*CARE TO INDULGE YOUR WRITING SENSES AND BE INTERVIEWED??  THERE ARE A FEW FUN SLOTS LEFT!!

 EMAIL ME @ TAMMYBR12@GMAIL.COM FOR DETAILS!!