Monday, July 14, 2014

PIMPBOOKMAMA: Cortney vs Crystal - Mud Bath Stand-Off!

PIMPBOOKMAMA here saying...
 when you have too much mud in your backyard from keeping the kiddos find two girls and raise the stakes.
Cortney Pearson and Crystal Collier were definitely up for the mudtastic proposition: reveal their covers, answer questions, & then have a community mud bath with me!
Here's the kicker - they get the same questions.
Let's see how diverse this mud bath is gonna be.
Stand-off time!
1. If you could add any flavor to popcorn, what would it be if it couldn't be...dare I say cheese?
Cortney: Red Cream Soda with one of those energy boost things from Jamba Juice. TOTALLY.
Crystal: I'm a "traditional" popcorn type girl, but I love cotton candy & it's got pretty similar heft to popcorn. Hm. What if we had cotton candy flavored popcorn, with the melting/crackling experience & all. It would be like the 4th of July in your mouth.

2.Make up a word & give me it's meaning.
Cortney: Periphorsnipnikitous. n: The ability to perish and cut paper snowflakes with scissors at the same time. "He astounds me - he was so periphorsnipnikitous right to the end.
Crystal: Bogaheesh (boeg-a-heesh): total Hogswallop, making-it-up-as-you-go kind of non-sensory.

3. At a nudist beach, first think out of your mouth.
Cortney: I probably wouldn't say anything because I'd be like - holy spank me, they're all NAKED. Avert thine eyes! Then I'd be like, *peeks* wow, that's a lot of back hair.
Crystal: ... ... ... Are we lost?

4. Walk in your kitchen & open the drawer to your left. What's in it?
Cortney: Scentsy flavas! *takes a whiff* Along with the sample ones leftover from when I tried and failed to sell it, which I chisel out of the little tub with a knife. No sense in wasting some perfectly good smelly wax.
Crystal: Well, technically it's not my drawer...since we're renting a vacation rental.

5. If you could go drag-queen for one day, what would you look like?
Cortney: Barbara Streisand rockin' sparkly silver knee-high boots with pink fur on the top, too much red lipstick, and dreadlocks dangling to my waist. And a coconut bra & hula skirt, as tribute to Timone from the Lion King (yes, I'm dorky enough to instantly think of his luau dance to lure the hyenas away. *sings "Are ya achin'? For some bacon?*)
Crystal: (see picture)

DOUBLE POINT CHALLENGE...make a story with me!

Cortney: "Dang it, Charlie! I told you not to eat glue!" Lucy smoothed back her blonde locks from her forehead, then shook her finger in his face, again. "Now, eat rubber cement instead. Okay?" It was the last time Lucy wanted to see him squirting the white Elmer's tube into his mouth. If she did, she solemnly swore she would perform the Heimlich maneuver whether he needed it or not. "Oh come on, Amy," Charlie cooed. Lucy's face turned brick red. "Amy? Who's Amy?" Lucy's hair flew over her forehead. Charlie coughed. "No, I said Lucy. I oh screw it. Amy lets me eat glue anytime I want!" Without warning, Charlie felt a rush of relief at having his secret out at last. Lucy walked away, flipping her blonde locks, and chucking his bottle of Elmer's out the window - the last one she'd ever buy for him. Not all blondes are glueless, but now she certainly was. THE END!!

Crystal: "Dang it, Charlie!I told you not to leave the basement door unlocked!" Lucy smoothed back her blonde locks from her forehead, then shook her finger in his face, again. "Now, just because the zombie escaped doesn't mean anyone has to die before we catch him. We have to move quickly. Okay?" It was the last time Lucy wanted to see him handling his mangy rifle like a yellow-bellied noob. If she did, she solemnly swore she would wash his socks in arsenic. "Oh come on, Amy," Charlied cooed. Lucy's face turned green. "Amy? Who's Amy?" Lucy's hair flew over her forehead. Charlie reached for her. "No, I said Lucy. I did, didn't I? I can't remember..." Without warning, Charlie felt a lightning bolt to the forehead. Lucy walked away, flipping her blonde locks, and erasing the image of a dagger through his brow. If she'd been looking closer she'd have noticed the nibble marks on her ear. Not all blondes are observant enough to notice zombie teeth marks, but she was not all blondes. Time to find a new boyfriend - one more responsible - AFTER she hunted down her precious, missing pet zombie. "Hungry? Where are you, Hungry?" THE END!!
Cortney Pearson - PHOBIC
Fifteen-year-old Piper Crenshaw knows her house is strange. It’s never needed repairs since it was built in the 1800s, and the lights flicker in response to things she says. As if those things aren’t creepy enough, it’s also the place where her mother committed murder. To prove she’s not afraid of where she lives, Piper opens a forbidden door, which hides a staircase that leads to the ceiling. That’s when the flashbacks of the original residents from 1875 start, including a love affair between two young servants. Each vision pulls Piper deeper into not only their story, but also her house. Piper confides in her best friend, Todd, whom she's gradually falling for, but even he doesn't believe her. At least, not until her house gets axed during a prank, and the act injures Piper instead, cutting a gash the size of Texas into her stomach. Piper realizes her house isn’t haunted—it’s alive. To sever her link to it, she must unravel the clues in the flashbacks and uncover the truth about her mother’s crime, before she becomes part of her house for good.

Crystal Collier - SOULLESS
Have you met the Soulless and Passionate? In the world of 1770 where supernatural beings mix with humanity, Alexia is playing a deadly game. SOULLESS, Book 2 in the Maiden of Time trilogy Alexia manipulated time to save the man of her dreams, and lost her best friend to red-eyed wraiths. Still grieving, she struggles to reconcile her loss with what was gained: her impending marriage. But when her wedding is destroyed by the Soulless—who then steal the only protection her people have—she's forced to unleash her true power. And risk losing everything.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Becoming A Solo Artist ... just let me go!

Okay, okay. So that's not true. I don't have a band.
Although I play a crazy chord G on a chin hair!
But, I'm becoming a solo artist. Just for like a month or so.
You know... it's that moment where you break from the band and do your own thing?
cry with me

I HAVE to break from my Blogger band and do my own thing for a bit. Just a bit!
I've something crazy good coming up and my MS Living RunAway needs to be more than prepped for it. In fact I have less than 15 days to do it in and I've only re-edited and re-wrote 53 out of 248 pages... give or take, but who's counting, right??
It sucks because I love my Blogger band. I've even named you guys the Writer's Rite. But, this is ridiculously important to me. So on my hiatus, please don't cry, but I'll only be posting one other time this month. And no usual interviews. I've over a years worth of people that signed up for my interviews via FB, but not now people!
You must understand or I'll shoot the turkey!
Don't make me do it!! It's looking juicy!!
right on target
But sometime in August, I'll answer your comment questions about myself,
and write PART TWO!
Be warned.

wish me luck fools

I love you all! Wish me luck! If all goes well... I'll spill the beans.
Otherwise, I'll just feed on my self-loathing the form of an Asian Buffet.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

IWSG: this is me... PART ONE

HI! Good morning, morrow, or eventide. My name is Tammy Theriault (Teri-o). Have you seen me before? I'm not hard to find. I have crazy red, spirally hair that sometimes has an imagination. People generally know me by that and my "attitude". Oddly enough, my mom is a quiet mouse and my dad, the boss, tells dirty jokes. I'm their spawn mixture. But don't be deceived. I have a quiet side too. (it's called sleep...dirty sleep)

I have four kids, each with varying personalities, between ages 4-10. The jokester, the diva, the cutie, and the baby-pie. I also managed to snag me a handsome, yet expensive, thing called a husband. I let him out of his cage once in a while. When I do, he showers me with hugs/kisses which lead to other things... (and sometimes thank you's). We're polar opposites in personality at times, but we have that one thing that keeps us going- we're infatuated with each other. (or so I hypnotize him to be). I'm an alpha male lover - he's my pure bred premium alpha. (The hypnotizing works...)

I have a wip - it's in my closet. I also have another WIP - it's on my laptop. I currently am doing a entire revamp on it. (i took out the vampires...). I discovered when a beta hit me with a question, I drew a blank. It looked like this:                . So I decided to do something - but I got arrested for nude jaywalking. I refocused on a new angle. Now I'm so proud of where the story is going - I wish to the bank making holla money, but for now, it's making 111111111 encryptions in the matrix. (don't take the green pill. Lawrence is wrong.)

In my non-spare daytime, I work making non-holla money. You'll never guess what I do (hides high heels and Pretty Woman outfit). My hubs and I work very hard fulltime. Sometimes we also work hard on picking on one another. I cave first. He caves later (in his cage). We're planning an overnight trip together on our motorcycles. We rarely get time just him and I (unless we're making the bed...we're terrible at it) and so my Dad and son will be riding along, too. (See what I mean?) My hubs taught me to ride a motorcycle two years ago - he put me on the bike and said "go". I ran into a bush. (I thought he said "throw" and by that - my body...into a bush).

The house I live in has 7 flower beds. Little did the previous owner know that I specialize in weeds and not caring. I don't have time for that bull-crap. (horse fertilizer works, too) Butt...I do my best. Did you know I can watch Criminal Minds reruns and not get work done? Please...don't look in my flower beds. (I hide bodies better now.)

I drink a ton of wine all the time in the summer. My frying pan won't let me keep the alcohol, and the muscles steaming in them are lushes (trust me...bearded drunks). When I'm not pretending to be an alcoholic at the grocery store, I'm adding up tags at the thrift shop. I've been thrifting my wardrobe since I was 14. (not to be mistaken with pimping, those guys don't thrift except "grandpa's clothes with $20 in tha pockets").

Music is my Prozac. My doctor says that's two legit to quit. I have a hard time crying (takes tweezers out of pocket), but music can make me cry. Classical music makes me bawl. Opera pulls my heart out (I've big doctor bills from those) and other music effects me as well, except rap. Most of it is what I would use as fertilizer. I sing constantly, and louder when I vacuum (I steal the show). My diva daughter sings constantly, too. She sang in the last two school talent shows. I tried to steal the show while accompanying her on the piano but, I didn't want to have to say sorry later. (I don't apologize well)

Ladies and gentleman, I hope you have learned a little something about me. Am I that...insecure? (promo-ing added a dollar in my account). I rarely EVER do tell you anything about myself, and I realized that a few days ago. So, I plan on making a better effort. Part one...complete!

What can you tell me about yourself? 3 THINGS GO!!!! Do you have any questions you'd like me to answer in PART TWO?

Monday, June 30, 2014

PIMPBOOKMAMA presents: a QUICKIE with Tara Tyler

PIMPBOOKMAMA here saying if you wear a "kiss the cook" apron this 4th of July while barbequing, ya better stock up on chapstick - I enforce fashionably binding agreements! And with that chapstick comment, perk on up to my newest headliner,
Tara Tyler, performing a little diddy she calls:
 "My Summer Blog Tour of
I don't often read books with this style of...creatures, but only 3 pages in - 
I was sold! It's completely lovable, witty, totally creative, and much more. What's the much more you ask? Pfffffttt...this Pimpbookmama can't give away ALL her star's secrets! You gotta read it to find out!
Or pay in dolla' bills...make it rain, baby, make it rain!!

the rain-eth fall-eth

I've always wanted to do one of Tammy's Interviews! She comes up with the best, craziest questions!! Thanks so much for having me, woman!

1. If you were to swim in a pool of anything, what would it be full of?
Stuffed animals!

2. Do monsters sleep under your bed? If so, can I pet them?
Monsters are under there, but they don't sleep. And they sure make a mess! Pet them if you dare. You can take one home if you like!

3. I'm drawing a picture of you writing, what does your facial expression look like?
Depends on the scene, but probably smirking – I crack myself up all the time =)

4. Honesty time! Empty your purse and tell me what's in it!
Too much to list. Here's a pic (it looks like my purse puked...)

5. I've a big fake tattoo for you, what is it and where can I stick it on ya?
A mermaid, definitely – on my arm. Watch me make her swim! (Brainstorm! This gives me a promotion idea - fake tattoo sleeves with book covers on it - I'm totally looking into that!)

Can you make a story with me? Let's check your writing skills!! Fill in the blanks!

Vaughn appeared in the moonlight reeking of beer. He'd no idea how pungent the smell was till the dog sniffed him and fell over. When Freda his little sister jumped out of the berry bushes beside him screaming, "Caught ya! Mom, he's been drinking again!" he almost had an accident. Vaughn, now shaken with rage, grabbed a shovel to scare her. "Don't you ever, and I mean ever, do that again!" "I was only trying to help," she said, tears spilling. "Besides, Mom's not even home, yet." So much for playing hide and go seek the six pack in the dark. Next time, I'll bring some Axe to cover up the smell.  THE END!!

That was so fun, Tammy! You have a creative mind - I love it!
Thanks, y'all for joining the fun!
And don't forget to enter the giveaway below!

by Tara Tyler
Release Date: June 24, 2014 (NOW!)
Publisher: Curiosity Quills

Gabe is an average fifteen-year-old goblin. He’s in the marching band, breezes through calculus, and gets picked on daily by the other kids at school, especially the ogres. But Gabe wants to break out of his nerdy stereotype and try other things. He has his eye on the new ogress at school. Though it’s against all beastly rules, there’s just something about her.
Gabe starts a fad of mingling with other species, forcing the High Council to step in and ruin things by threatening to destroy the school and split up Broken Branch Falls. With help from other outcast friends, Gabe sets out on a quest to save his town. They'll show 'em what different friends can do together!

Available at
B&N ~~~ Amazon
Add it to your GOODREADS list!

Tara Tyler has had a hand at everything from waitressing to rocket engineering. After living up and down the Eastern US, she now writes and teaches math in Ohio with her three active boys and Coach Husband. Currently, she has two series, The Cooper Chronicles (techno-thriller detective capers) and Beast World (MG fantasy) She's an adventure writer who believes every good story should have action, a moral, and a few laughs!
Also by Tara Tyler, techno-thriller detective series,
The Cooper Chronicles, Book One: POP TRAVEL

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*NOTE: Anyone who calls me "woman" is an automatic 10 in my pimpbook! I love me some sass!*

Monday, June 9, 2014

PIMPBOOKMAMA presents: 3 Hotties with 3 Freebies

PIMPBOOKMAMA here, saying...
 don't forget sunscreen as summer is dawning on us.
I can't stand to see half naked red people!
I just can't sell bodies that way...I just can't.
But your books?
Now that my friend is a WHOLE other ball park.
And on that ball park, my 3 GIRLS hit ALL the bases!
Plus, they're helping YOU to score,
by giving away 1 of their books to 1 lucky commenter.
Did your "ball bag" just drop?
Yeah, because it's that awesome!

My 1st base player comes all the way from Europe exhibiting her European "flare"...

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHILD by: Annalisa Crawford
Blurb: “The Boathouse collects misfits. Strange solitary creatures that yearn for contact with the outside world, but not too much. They sit, glass in hand, either staring at the table in front of them, or at some distant point on the horizon.”  … so says the narrator of Our Beautiful Child. And he’s been around long enough to know. People end up in this town almost by accident. Ella is running away from her nightmares, Sally is running away from the memories of previous boyfriends and Rona is running away from university. Each of them seek sanctuary in the 18th century pub, The Boathouse; but in fact, that’s where their troubles begin. Ella finds love, a moment too late; Rona discovers a beautiful ability which needs refining before she gets hurt; and Sally meets the captivating Murray, who threatens to ruin everything.Three women. Three stories. One pub.
1. Ella, Rona, & Sally all have a captivating story.
What would be yours?
Hermit, Annalisa, accidentally gets married & has children.
2. What at the Boathouse pub would you order us while I listen to the unrated version?
I'd definitely order 2 pints of Cornish Orchard cider, brewed just down the road from me, and delicious!
(This first base player is hitting hard with 1 free ebook to 1 commenter!)
My 2nd base player comes to us from Washington exhibiting her Californian "sass"...
LEVERAGE by: Nancy Thompson
Blurb:Four years ago, Tyler Karras’ quest to avenge his wife's death led to all out war with San Francisco's Russian Mafia. With the Bratva’s collapse and its king, Dmitri Chernov, long dead, all Ty wants now is to put it behind him and enjoy a second chance at life with his new bride, Hannah, and the child they're expecting any day. But Chernov's heir, Grigory Dmitriev, has returned, bitter and determined. He wants his kingdom back, and he's more than willing to leverage Ty's new family to get it. First he targets Conner, Ty’s brooding nineteen-year-old stepson, manipulating the boy into a vortex of sex, drugs, alcohol, and gambling. Then he turns his sights on Hannah. At eight months pregnant, she’s the ultimate bargaining chip. With both their lives in jeopardy, as well as his unborn child, Ty has little choice but to do as Grigory commands. But Tyler swore he'd never kill again. He buried that monster four years ago and means to keep it that way. Grigory, however, makes that vow impossible to keep. With his new family on the line, Ty will cross further into the dark side than he ever has before, challenging everything he believes about himself, and forcing him to face the ghosts of his past. Only then will Ty discover if he has the strength to do the unspeakable, to sacrifice his last chance at redemption and save the lives of those he loves most.

1. What would you use for leverage if given the chance?
Well, if it was my husband. I'd threaten to tweet a certain photo from the mid 80's with him in very short pink shorts & his mullet to leverage a trip to Hawaii out of him. Hee hee hee!
2. Are any of your steamy male characters gonna be single soon?
Sorry, but Ty is happy with Hannah, but if you don't mind being a cougar, Connor has shown remarkable growth since And he's a hot musician with a brain, so, a good catch, I think. Just treat him right, okay?
(I had the honor of beta reading this steamy yet suspenseful book!
You'll not regret winning 1 free copy to 1 commenter!)

My 3rd base player comes all the way from West Virginia displaying her "back roads"...

BELLA'S POINT by: Elizabeth Seckman
Blurb: Isabella Troy Stanley is a divorced, slave freeing pariah surviving in the shattered post Civil War south the only way a fallen debutante knows how. She heads to a Yankee prison and buys herself a husband. Jack Byron is the former Troy plantation stable boy and object of young Bella's affection. He rejected her then, and he's still not sold on the idea of marrying her now. It’s complicated. Though to Bella, it’s simple: make Jack love her, marry her, and live happily ever after. The plan seems to least until her secret is revealed.

1. I hear you have the secret to a certain old school hooker term.
Did you know we have the corset to thank for loose women? Or at least the term "loose women". For a woman to engage in um, relations...the stays would have to be loosened, hence loose. A woman who wouldn't be, um, down for that is thus considered "up tight".
2. Bella vs Bella (the cold one). Who'd win?
Seems Vamp Bells is impervious to all human weapons, so even though Debutante Bella is a crack shot, she would go down in a cage fight. But debutante Bella is sweet and educated in the art of social graces, so what reason would vamp Bella have to attack? It's not like Deb Bella would have any interest in Edward. She has Jack and he's a warm blooded hottie head and shoulders over other Bella's blood sucking hero.
                         (I also beta read this touching made-me-choke-up yet empowering book.
1 free book to 1 lucky commenter!)
Want to speak to one of my "ball hitting" team players?
 CLICK on their faces below...
Didn't work? Hmmm... Oh, that's right, you need to give me your credit card number.
 This Pimpbookmama don't work for free baby!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

IWSG: Teaching Child Zombies!

Here on the island, school is ending in T-minus 13 days. The day when havoc tears down the Jenga building. Kids will be heard & seen...everywhere!! Pack your zombie apocalyptic gear in your mini-vans now - they will suck us dry these next few months!
But this year, I kinda helped create these children zombies...
 When my son's 4th grade teacher found out I write, she scooped in at the start of the school year, asking me to carve out time in my work week. So, I dedicate an hour every Wednesday, taking a group of kids to a side room and torture them with showing not telling exercises, descriptive writing, analogies, similies, etc. Then give them a one word prompt, expecting a short story in one week. Things like a button, a door, and a wheel. The following week is one-on-one's, where we tear apart the story, and rebuild it with intriguing beginnings, climax middles, and wrap-it-up endings. I always say "let's add some pizzazz!" Finally, I read their old version to the class & let the student read their brand spanking new story!
I kid you not, I'm so proud of them I choke up every time.
Kids are the biggest S.O.S sponges God ever created!
You'll also find me in my daughter's kindergarten class those mornings doing interactive dry erase board stories where they'd have to say what it is I'm drawing, sound out words, tell me answers, and at the end...create the story's name. My daughter volunteered me, that stinker! But oh my heavens they're sickly creative creatures, too! And sometimes, I'd take a book, and read it. But not just read it-read it, it needed to be acted out by everyone. Sounds made, movements moved, just tons of fun!

There's nothing more rewarding then walking in a room, & the kids smile, yelling to the teacher "She's here! She's here!". Followed by a few hugs & a few "I like your shirt, and your hair, and your jewelry, and..." (Kinder reactions) And then an "ahhhh-man" when not picked for groups. Or the big "this story is awesome!" when we revise it. (4th grade reactions)
Last week, I not only received this awesome thank you candy bouquet for volunteering....
Best surprise...eva!!!
...but also a refreshed passion for writing! When you get to teach what you know, surprisingly you start "getting it" more. But I'm just happy to be asked to do it again next year...
(crossing fingers for a bigger candy bouquet!)
What experience(s) have you had through children or adults that helped you "get it"?

Monday, May 26, 2014

MY LIVE, not so really but kinda, INTERVIEW WITH ILIMA TODD!!!

It was a dark and stormy night...
Eating sushi late at night, my fifth meal, I spotted Ilima Todd arguing with the cashier about bringing her own drink from home. I quickly pulled Ilima away before rice, seaweed, and raw fish hit the fan, and distracted her with a few questions...

*this is a creative writing exercise. No Bruno Mars were harmed in the process.

  1. WWE called, everyone is getting squashed! We need a new character, move, and costume. GO!!!
She shall be called River and come two by two with hands of blue. She will kill you with her brain.
Did you drink Hawaiian Punch & double the sugar dose before you said that or something?
Please don't tell me you didn't catch my Firefly reference. Or worse, have never seen it. It's like I don't even know you anymore.
I'm sorry but maybe I need to make a "meat pie" out of you...enjoy the reference.

2. Will you take the green glittery pill or the pink glittery pill?
Is this going to make my poop sparkle?
Only in the sun...before...Twilight.
Stupid lamb.
*sniffs Hawaiian Punch* Not sure that's sugar added to it...

3. Love is in the ______
...way my husband buys me Taco Bell late at night (Fourth meal!!) when I'm having a bad day.
*munches on fresco taco & nachos* This is my go-to. *smacks Ilima's hand* Don't...touch!
Fine. I don't want any of your stupido taco anyway. *lies*

4. Best teased hair ever: Bret Michael's Poison days
or you when you wake up?
Um...a little of both? The 1980's called. They found me "modeling" in front of a bunch of Benetton posters. You're welcome.
I'm not sure I'm thankful for that "tease"!! Too soon?

5. Is that a candy wrapper?
No. I'm just glad toot-sie you.
But it looks shriveled up in a wad. Must not be that glad. Such a "tease". *brushes hair*
Not a wad...a roll. Or a pop. Either works. How many licks DOES it take?

6. Your hubs told me to ask if you know Bruno Mars...because you're Hawaiian in all.
He totes my BFF. And I'm, like, his treasure.
More like your Fourth Meal treasure!
Which would be a Mexican Pizza, thank you very much. I only go for "authentic" south-of-the-border cuisine. Hence the Taco Bell. And the pizza. Duh.

7. Did it suddenly get cold in here?
Here. I made you a cup of hot chocolate. With real cream and mini marshmallows.
Thanks. Maybe I also need toot-sie if Bruno would like some warming up, too.
Sorry girl, you've been locked out of heaven.
*throws Mexican pizza across room* Go fetch while I find the key!!

8. Give me your best pig impersonation.
"Groin groin," she says, rolling her R's.
Just gotta text from your hubs. He said no more Fourth Meal runs for a week. Dang that's cold... *sips on cocoa*
Toot-toot-toot-sie. *Burps* "Excuse me," she says bashfully. "Are you gonna share some of that cocoa?"
"Only if you keep talking in third person," she comments while winking.

9. If you were 007, what would your movie title be?
Octopuppy. (because puppies)
Ohhhhh I'm glad you pointed out it's because of the puppies. Here I was thinking it was because of...puppy. Thanks for the clarification. *pretends to sip on cocoa & looks away*
Well, my favorite colors is light tan & my favorite animals is "poopies". Excuse me while I go wear some stretchy pants in my room. Is for fun. (Nachoooooooooooooooooo!)
I'm beginning to seriously think that's not sugar added to your Hawaiian punch...

10. This is a doozy of a question it like rain on your wedding day? The free ride, when you've already paid? The good advice you just didn't take?

You know it totally did rain on my wedding day.
Well Alanis just squealed. Oh wait. Nope. It was because she just bought a puppy, I mean, puppies. *dumps cocoa in sink* Bruno just texted! He said it's nach-o business about your fourth meal rendezvous but if I wanted toot-sie it, come on over & stop being a "tease". Well now, isn't that ironic.
If you didn't like my cocoa, you could have said so. *sobs* I even saved you a bean brunoritto, and this is how you repay me. Who would've figures. Go away. Read some books.
I just read a book on How To Make Ilima Vunerable. Your hubs wrote it. Great tips but it's in PIG latin. *throws another Mexican pizza across the room*


Ironically, I had a sparkling good time! While I was a little scared Tammy-Niska would make a meat pie out of me, I came out okay in the end--and didn't even have to rob a train in the process. I learned we can both be sweet (with chocolate chewy centers), but "every rose has its thorn" and I know not to TEASE Tammy anymore. I won't hide that key to heaven next time. When my BFF Bruno is in town, the three of us will have to think outside the bun and squeal like pigs together. Don't forget your stretchy pants!

*Gorges on Mexican pizza taco nacho-d tootsie-rolled pork* I'm already in sweat pants. *Hands Bruno Ilima's Hawaiian Punch* Trust me, it's not the sugar that packs the punch. But it is your awesome survival of my interview that earns you this badge, Ilima! Wear it loud and proud or pack it in your teased hair to find later!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

How I found the WRITE path Blogfest!!

Carrie "Carizzle" Butler is creating a wonderful e-book of an idea to give back! Who doesn't love a give back feeling? All we have to do is sign up here and write a letter to ourselves when we first started our writing journey towards publication. To find out more and what to include, click here.
Dear Little-Freckled-Faced-Red-Hair-Braided-8-year-old-self,

     I love you. You...are...amazing. Remember that always. Sometimes you'll forget that along the way, but today, I miss you immensely. The spark in your brown eyes, wonder in your imagination, go-getter attitude, no cares in the world, and just pure ignorant bliss. How I wish I were you all over again!
     I see you now, sitting there in the big red van, waiting for Dad to pitch the green canvas over it so we can start "camp" and eat. You have your notebook out, the one where you're writing your first poem ever about "The Tent" with picture in all. It makes me teary-eyed seeing you so innocent and about to dive into a whole other side of talents God gifted you.
     From then, you'll fill those pages with a gazillion other poems, showing your emotions in black and white, or rhyming about things you see. You'll release yourself through them, some attempts at stories, and through the countless songs you compose. And when you sing/read them for people, they'll smile! Don't lose that feeling. It's called appreciation for your efforts and talent. It becomes scarce and maybe too competitive for smiles the older you get.
    Come the end of H.S., you'll take a creative writing class that'll rock your world, and you begin your first real novel. But sadly you'll lose it. It's okay though. Lose it. Trust me. You'll write other things in the meantime of that lost novel. Newspaper articles, more poems, more songs, magazine articles, and then'll remember that book 14yrs later! When you's going to be amazing because that's the exact same time you delve into the hidden world of blogging!
    Don't ever give up on blogging! These are the friends and fans of your work and you of theirs. These wonderful people will guide, answer, and cheer for your writing when no one else seems to. And on top of that, you'll gain stellar, genuine friends. You'll learn about the gold of beta readers, too. They'll make you want to scream, cry, kill kittens, and all at the same time, grow bigger then the biggest tree ever. They tediously prune your work over and over again, but only to make it stronger and stronger. But you won't know it till you break down your stubborn walls. Besides, you only think you know what you're doing. Wait till you start reading some of their amazing stuff!
   And now my warning to you little 8-yr-old-self, behind every writer's window, they may be crying out for help in some way. And sometimes that person is you. Never turn your back on anyone, including yourself. When others are falling, pick them up. When you're falling, ask for a virtual hand. Forgive yourself often because you're not going to be able to do all that you wish. And never let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve to chase your writing dream clouds. Avoid those stormy rains, and just pray for sun!
   I love you, and together...we WILL make it in the writing "world".

                                                                             Love your crazy self many many moons later,

Tammy Theriault
"I give permission for my entry to be included in the e-book compilation without royalties and/or separate compensation."

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

IWSG: Ultra Polished Turds

Sometimes I feel I'm behind. That the curtain isn't raising anytime soon on me saying "I'm finally querying my MS!" But what's taking me so long? And does it have its advantages?

FIRST, what's taking me so long... it's been over a year since I started rough drafts and revisions of my YA Living RunAway. Well...I've been seriously busy helping all my writer friends left and right. Everything from ARC review requests (which've been an honor to be asked), lots of beta requests for books you're reading now or shortly coming out (thank you to all that have trusted my eyes), and co-writing a new YA MS with my writing bestie, Elizabeth Seckman, and a future children's book with Jay Noel's wife, Janet. And need I forget the success of CHARLIE'S SCRIBES?? What fun we've had venturing and posting on other's blogs!! (And this is just writing stuff...)
SECOND, does it have its advantages? Is it hindering time on my first baby? As I look back and gear up for its final edits, I realize that if I didn't do all I could for others...I would never learn all I could for mine. When I beta, I see my own flaws and/or things to steer from. When I read your published books, I see what works and what doesn't. And when I take a break to work on one of my collabs, I get to be creative in a whole new fashion, which gives me a therapeutic release. 

WHEN you can do that, you're work becomes a major polished TURD.
Others are content rushing out there, getting the ball rolling, and kudos to that. Many can pull a book out their butts in a week, maybe less than even a few months, but not all of us can or want to. Me? I don't want to. I enjoy learning on the way, and trying to make mine the biggest POLISHED TURD you've ever seen! With high hopes that it doesn't stink like crap! BUT there's something else I've noticed...a lot of BIG things DO happen over time. I recently read a Cliff Bar's history on how it took 2 years to come up with the perfect recipe. How many times do you hear that PERFECT "RECIPES" take years of trial and error? Why not you're own work? Why rush it just to get quickly disappointed? At least if you take time to polish it, and you're turned down, you'll know you did EVERYTHING to make it your BEST. Then move on, and try, try again!!

Make sure it's fermented with your ALL to be the best fertilizer EVER.
Because the best fertilizer ever...makes other things grow!
So what about you? Have you learned along the way?
Has it made your work a more polished turd?

Monday, April 21, 2014

MY LIVE, not so really but kinda, INTERVIEW WITH CARRIE BUTLER

It was a dark & stormy night...
I was down at a massage parlor working out some kinks from a night I can't remember, when I got a text. "Look behind you" There she was, Carrie Butler, standing in the doorframe! She said she had a knot in her buttocks and thighs just worked on. Hmmm..."kinky".

*this is a creative writing exercise. No strippers were harmed in the process*

1. Pitch me a TV show idea for us.
This summer, contestants from all over the country will fight for the chance to compete in WRITE OR CRY. It's a little like the website WRITE OR DIE - racing against the clock to complete work count goals - but we'll take a more extreme approach. Know an author who brags about cranking out 300 words per minute? Let's see if she can do it suspended over a shark tank while Gilbert Gottfried recites 50 SHADES OF GREY. Then, once she fails - I mean, IF she fails, - we (the judges) get to spin the Wheel O'Wailing! Will we give her just one Pringle? Will we shred her birth certificate? You never know!
Okay okay...WHAT is really in your water bottle?
Captain Mor - er, nothing. :)

2. Would you mind removing your shoes?
Only if you don't mind me running around in my Batman socks - because that's what I'm wearing. I buy my socks in the boys department, because they get all of the cool super heroes.
I'll let you but hand me your "water bottle". I may need a swig of that to enjoy it to it's max.

3. In you purse is a big fat _____.
...hole in my wallet!
You must be one noisy stripper...ching-ching-ching.

4. Who wore bedazzling better: Elvis or Dolly?

Dolly acting as an Elvis impersonator? What do you mean that's cheating? Fine, fine...I guess hers would sparkly more - you  know, since they stick out more to catch the light.

5. Would you like to party?
Are you serious? All this time, I thought I had to FIGHT for my RIGHT to parrrrtay. Now you're just asking me like it's no big deal? I gotta admit, it's a little anticlimactic...
Sorry, let me rephrase. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PARRRR - TY???
I'll get back to you on that.
*digs in pocket* Would a shiny penny motivate you?

6. In what movie would you beat up the lead girl in?
Well, I did do archery long before Katniss came into being...
*lowers cage over Katniss & Carrie* SHOW ME HOW YOU PARTY SISTA!!
*the girls launch at each other in a cartoonesque cloud of dust. Minutes later, Carrie is slammed against the bars all squishy - faced* D-Did I say Katniss? I meant Bella. BELLA. Bring on the cold one! *Silence* ...Hello? *Carrie twists around and throws a hard elbow* Darn it, Tammy! Stop selling tickets and save me! I was wrong. I don't want to fight for my right to party!
I can't hear you over your stripper coins! What???

7. Do you remember the night in Tahiti?

Barely. I remember testing out the car batteries, licorice, and chili powder for that scene in HONESTY. I think Chibs was there - or on TV. It's all a blur.
All I know is I have a tramp stamp on my back. No really...look. It rubs right off! Now these rug burns, that I'm unsure of...

8. Ice cream?
 In the microwave! Don't judge me.
I'm sorry, but I have to. You just got a nine out of ten. I had to knock off a point for insecurity, or shall I say iceacreamity? No? Too soon?
Ba dum tssshhh!

9. What dress looks better, the red one or...the red one?
Well, the red one matches your eyes after that night in Tahiti, but the red one is Hey! Did you know red stimulates appetite? That why so many restaurants use it . Fun fact.
*gorges on bowl of creamy ice cream in red dress* What? I didn't hear you.
It's creamy because I microwaved it. You can thank me later. :D
You so earned your point back.

10. I know this is personal but please don't go chasing waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.
Sorry, Tammy. You know I'm going to have it my way or nothing at all. Unless of course, you think I'm moving too fast?
Chibs told me your not moving fast enough. I told him you're not an energizer bunny dang it! He said after Tahiti...he begs to differ.
Hey, what happens in Tahiti, STAYS in Tahiti.
*snuggles with Jax* done and done!


Whew! That was AN experience and a half. I shall always look back fondly at the mental scars - I mean, MEMORIES we share today <3. I learned that the world might not be ready for our brand of reality  television, but that's okay. We have stolen coins, indiscreet water bottles, and bedazzled costumes. What more could we possibly want? Also, Katniss may have unresolved issues from the Hunger Games, so she's not ready for the cage circuit. Now back to Tahiti, where the ice cream melts on its own!

I have my red dress on, a gallon of mint chocolate chip, and a two plane tickets...ARE WE READY TO PARRRRRTY!!! And take your I SURVIVED MY INTERVIEW WITH TAMMY THERIAULT BADGE!!