Monday, January 19, 2015

MY LIVE, not so really but kinda, INTERVIEW WITH BRIAN MILLER

It was a dark and stormy night...
Busily at Wally-world, I tried to find a gun to protect myself in this cruel dark world, till I accidently ran into a spiked hair. "Ouch! Watch where you're going!!" I about yelled, till Brian Miller smiled saying, "You here to get a fire arm too?" I adjusted the strap on my high heels, ready for action. "Every girls gotta have a little something something for the purse, you see? So, we doing this?" "Oh, it. Is. On."

***this interview is designed to test the creative writer's mind. No candy was harmed in the process**

1. It's time to rule the world!! Name the world & people.
Why settle for a world...There is a universe to conquer...and it's mine...all mine...
Wait, is that on a cat poster? With like a cat hanging from something?
A hairless cat maybe...with a pinky to his lip...or was that the bald guy with the cat...
No, no, give me your phone. I could've sworn I texted the cat hanging pic to you. See? It's right next to...

2. Wait, whoa, where did you take that pic?
Chances are it was in the classroom. I generally wear costumes when I teach... so the head dress, loin cloth and beads are a usual thing...
True, but I wish you would've considered buying adult and not kids size...
Err...yeah...this always happens when I try to do the laundry...

3. What Expendables character are you?
Brian VS. Jason
Lee Christmas of course...I mean if Stratham cut his hair into a Mohawk and put on a few pounds we would look like brothers...
And if you gave him some kids size loin cloth, head dress, and beads - I'd be a happy woman.
*snort*

4. Nerf?
Or Nothing! Every couple of weeks we have a full scale war in the house...no holds barred...kids vs. adults, adult vs. adult, kid vs. kid...until the last one standing, or we accidentally break something of my wife's...at which point we get grounded...
Ohhhh, I'm sorry. That's a typo. I meant to write NERD. But please, continue...
Oh I love Nerds...so much flavor in those little candies...Willie Wonka knows what he is doing...
*shoots Nerds bullets everywhere* It's like little BB's that like seriously hurt, right?

5. Is that a suit your wearing?
Never. I worked in banking for several years and the day I walked out the door for the last time I swore off ties forever...now if you are talking about the spandex...
*shoots nerf gun* No, I mean the rubber suit for the Nerf battle. BRING IT, MILLER!
Pyew...Pyew...Pyew...wait, wait...I need to reload...
Your pyews are pyewenie, listen to this: *shoots smallest Nerf bullet ever* BOOOSHHHHH!!!!

6. Dude, are you going to share?
Fine, it was a college thing...and I did it to win the girl...which I did...yes, yes, yes...I danced ballet...and have 6 college credits to prove it....
Now I get it! When you did that little plié to an arabesque and then ended in a sauté just to Keanu Reeves Matrix your way from the Nerf bullets, I knew I needed to offer you a spandex body suit instead.
Can I have a cape and mask too? I totally have this dream of being a superhero...thus taking ballet...so I could do these cool move...which will make it nearly impossible to stand up in the morning...
I would if I didn't think you're covering up your love for ballet, not superhero-ism. *Lifts up his shirt, finds spandex body suit with 'B' on it* I know that's not for Brian. I know it...

7. I must ask if your feet are going to be on the ground, your head is there to move you around,  so stand in the place where you live?
Just face north and think about direction of course...I never saw REM in concert, but I would have loved too...
Me, too, but I'd probably be asleep. A sleep where my eyes would kinda be like rapidly moving behind my eyelids, you know?
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...huh? Oh wait, are we done already?



 THE WRAP-UP

Ha, at the end of it all, here is what I know... always pack a big Nerf gun and a lifetime supply of Nerds candy...cause you never know when you might have to defend yourself from ballet dancing wanna be Native American (first nation) school teachers with a superhero complex...by the way, B stands for...wait, if I tell you it will give away my secret identity...and should you ever get shot by Nerds, its a whole lot of buckshot...and you will not be able to sit for a week...or so...so here is to standing in the place where you live.

*reloads Nerds-Nerf gun* RUN MILLLLLLER!!!!! I would say fly off but the cape is currently shrunken and being used as a loin cloth on Mr. Christmas. Meeeeooow.

WOW, Brian! You survived!!
Now please accept this badge in honor of your mad interviewee "skillz".
 
 
How did he do, guys? Fav part? Non-fav part? Semi-fav part? Quarter-fav part?
 
 

Monday, January 12, 2015

Where Are You? You MUST Tell Me!

I love talking to people about anything. How they met their spouses, what they're writing, how long it takes them to write a book, what their job is, why their unhappy/happy, why they never returned my text... you get the driffy.
 
Let this be your phobia!!
BUT NOW, I want to hear about YOU.
Yes YOU!
I'm giving you 4 easy questions. 
Answer ALL of them if you...dare!!
THAT'S RIGHT!
I double-dog, no, triple-dog dare you to answer all 4 questions because you're so awesome!
In fact, I'll even take that dare and answer them, too!
 
 
ANSWER ME THIS:
1. What are you reading?
(reading means reading so it doesn't have to be a book!)
2. What are you writing and tell me about your progress so far?
(this could even be a grocery list)
3. One thing you hope to finish/do before 2016?
(big or small; anything!)
4. If we were to meet in person, how would you greet me?
(just know, I high five hard)
 
 

MY ANSWERS ARE:
1. I'm reading the Memory Keepers Daughter by Kim Edwards, the Rifters by MPax, Flesh Eating Zombies and Evil Ex-Girlfriends by Rachel Scheiffelbein (my 1st zombie book!), and the Whidbey News Times because my oldest son was in it!
(I'm a "mood" reader. Hence why more than 1 book listed)
2. Writing 3 books with 1 on hold. A children's with Janet Reyes (Jay Noel's wifey) that we just started, a YA with Elizabeth Seckman that we're drafting when we have time to (we're busy girls), and an adult contemporary with myself (we really see eye to eye on stuff) in draft mode, too.
3. I'd love to meet a writer I haven't met (I have a few in mind...), and do my first query before 2016.
4. If I met myself, I'd have a head convo because I feel like I'd be able to read my own thoughts well. Just a feeling...


YOUR TURN!! WHERE ARE YOU? YOU MUST TELL ME!

Monday, January 5, 2015

2015: The Year of Who Gives a Crap!

Some Buddhist philosophy centers around not changing. Doesn't that sound wonky? Totally defies all you've been told, right? Wrong.

I spent 3 days in hell being totally upset/annoyed about one thing I wanted to change. I refused, refused (!) to accept that this thing couldn't be changed. I was miserable, inviting myself repeatedly to my pity party where I even hosted. And DJ'd. And passed out refreshments...

Then, I remembered a concept I learned in a workshop: "No motivation to change is the Buddhist way. Just accept it and there will be no reason to change it. That will make you grow."

So, on that 3rd day of pissy-ness, I accepted the fact that there'd be no change, and stopped trying or grudging about it. It took me 2 days to be okay with it, and another just to move on. It was gradual, but the coolest part was creating this lovely thing called "accepting what is" and "embracing what is". Once that happened, there was happiness all over again. And love. Lots of love.

You can't make people do anything, but YOU can do everything!
 

For 2015 I say WHO GIVES A CRAP! I'm going to restate a phrase I made up:

don't change you weirdos! :)
DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU, IT'S THE EPITOME OF YOUR PERFECTION!!

I encourage everyone reading this not to conform. Not to adhere. Not to put yourself down, because you're only doing that when you see someone as being higher than you. We all breath the same air, and takes craps. But for some reason, we also think "the Jones'" are still doing it better than us. Yeah bullcrap right! I thought I needed to change something so I could be "happier" but I found I was happier the way it was, faults included.

 
READ THE QUOTES BELOW. TELL ME YOUR PICK FOR 2015.
Tell me how you feel about changes or share with me your awesome story!!
 

**Although I'm not Buddhist, I'm also not closed minded to amazing theories**

Monday, December 22, 2014

Christmas Holidays & Birthday Suit Wearing

Wanna see something from my book of my real Christmas experience? This is an excerpt from my rough draft PIMPBOOKMAMA. It's very telling of my white Christmas tree feelings. Note: these are not my kids; mine would've been crying in time out way earlier!
 

            “Where do you want the tree, honey?” Jax asks bringing out the pre-lit plastic white evergreen. I know. It’s corny. But two years ago when I saw that bad boy, having green fakies years prior, I wanted white. I was tired of spraying on snow to make it feel more like Christmas, even in the house. So, I begged and got my white. Now I beg and want my old sacred green back.
            “In the fire. Kids...back up. It’s gonna fizzle a bit." I put down my hot chocolate and throw my arm against them in defense. They’re on the edge of the couch, waiting for Jax to arrange the tree so they can ruin, I mean, decorate it. They fall back and giggle.
            Jax shakes his head and pulls it out of the box, taking his time to snap everything in place, then plug it in. I kneel down and begin my routine fluffing of the limbs to make it fuller while the kids begin their routine fight over what ornament they’re putting up and which is truly theirs.
            “Honey.”
            “Yeah?”
            “Come here a sec,” Jax says, and heads to the kitchen. The noise of kids squalling amplifies.
            “Guys, stop fighting or all three of  you go to bed early," I shout behind me, secretly hoping I get to do it. Come on, there's nothing like some early peace and quiet for the holidays, right?
            Ashley pushes Josh over with her body. “Move, terd. I get first pick!”
            Josh drops his Wolverine action figure and guns it for her, landing them both on the couch in a full out wrestling match. Mia takes the opportunity, puts Moe the purple hippo down, and grabs a Tinkerbell ornament to be the first to decorate the tree.
            “No fair!” Ashley and Josh protest. They get up, reach for the ornament container, and rush to the tree with whatever they've blindly pulled.
            “Ha! Beat ‘cha!” Josh exclaims, nearly falling into glowing white branches.
            “I wouldn’t boost about hanging Cinderella.”
            Josh mimics her and they’re back on the couch wrestling. All the while, Mia hums “O Christmas Tree” and continues to decorate the entire tree herself.

Maybe if you have kids, that was head nodding true. So you see, originally having always had green trees, I wanted the white. But, two years later, I was done! Burn sucka!! But, then a friend suggested that I could changed the color schemes on it, and what a genius duh moment that was! Have I yet? Nah. I've learned to accept that it's not the tree that needs to change it's colors, but me that needs to change my attitude. With that said, " Happy Tree selfie!!"



Yesterday was my birthday! I hit the mid-30's mark. That means I'm more so-fi-stimi-cated, right? (Man, spell check hated that word) Thanks to ya'll on social media that sent me mad shout-outs! Took forever to respond to everyone, but it made me feel like a gazillion bucks!! When mi mamasita asked what cake I wanted, I drew a blank. I know right?? But, now that I'm "eating clean" nothing sounded good. In a desperate attempt just to name one, I gave into an old friend. Meet Cheesecake!! It stays with you on your thighs, and gut. Best old buds.


What color is YOUR tree and do you have a decoration theme?? Does Ashley, Josh, and Mia sound like your kids/grandkids?? And best of all, what cake would YOU pick for YOUR birthday??

See ya in 2015!


Monday, December 15, 2014

My Sins Revealed

When DL Hammons tagged me to talk about 7 sins
7 DEADLY SINS of the LITERARY WORLD
Getting out of my down-dog yoga pose, I began my quest in
DEADLY DEBAUCHERY.

 
GREED - What is your most inexpensive book?
I've been known to pass a bookshelf at a business or an apartment's rec/reading room with a book or two on my way out. "Excuse me, do you work/live here?"  *starts sprinting* "I'll never return it! Ever! Suckas!"

WRATH - Who's the author you have a love/hate relationship with?
Any author that creates a series and makes me wait for the next book to release... you guys know who you are! I wrath you!!

GLUTTONY - What book have you devoured over and over again with  no shame?
Hands down my Betty Crocker Cookbook. Seriously!! It's the only book I A) read over and over again B) devour...well at least the outcomes. I don't think I've ever read a novel twice. Not my thing.

SLOTH - What books have you neglected to read due to laziness?
How to be a millionaire. How to obtain a perfect body plus personality in an hour. How to be #1 and never have to go #2. The list is endless!

PRIDE - What books do you talk about most in order to sound like an intellectual reader?
The Bible. Not only can I tell you where you came from and why you're here, but where you're going. Dang, I'm good! Treat me right and I'll personally knock on heaven's door to get you out of hell. Was that an intellectual analogy? I'll never say. Mwahahaha!

LUST - What attributes do you find attractive in a male or female character?
Alpha males with big ... wait, PG13... hearts. For a female? Dominatrix personality with brute honesty. They make you say dang! with a giggle while the men make you say dang! with a hot flash.

ENVY - What book would you like to receive most as a gift?
Call me selfish but, I'd like to receive mine (one hopeful day) in the mail from a big publisher saying "Here's the last one we could find. Looks like we need to reprint at least a billion more." To which I'll reply, "Again?"

How would YOU answer any of these questions??
Let me greedily envy your prideful answers full of lust for the slothful things you wish to wrathfully have while feeding off your gluttonous ways.
Just saying...
 
p.s. if you're looking for a post topic, steal this one! It's fun, and legal :)