Thursday, May 28, 2020

A Surprise Subplot

I would be silly to not talk about what's happened since Covid-19 came around. A lot of my work in the healthcare field was affected. However, the changes allowed me to reflect and realize how I have full control of my workload. Full freaking control. Yet, guilt riddled me to do everything I could to appease others regardless of that fact. Which in turn, made me let that control seep from my fingers like sand in an open hand. And not once did I notice I had done that to myself until quarantine forced me to step back. Once that hit me, I closed my fist, vowing to never let that happen again. P.S. the guilt never really goes away right off the bat. That'll take a little more time...
     
In the meantime of all that, my full manuscript is still with people in the industry. A fresh full manuscript request (that excites the crap outta me) came into my email the other week. I'm still editing my Orphans of Dark, but HOLY CRAP, something majorly crazy happened. I was near the end, NEAR THE END, and I just needed to do a few more scenes and then the book would be over. BUT NO!! I couldn't fall asleep, was thinking about my book, and a "what if" came to mind, and then of course I stayed up to answer it. A secondary character, the one in the next scene the MC was going to talk to that would be the "saving grace", was the wrong gender.

     
WHAT??? YEAH... and by changing the gender, this whole world came to view. A whole romantic subplot that holy hell had to happen. I didn't sleep good that night, took a walk listening to moody music the next day, and it all continued to pour out in my head. All the freakin' emotions behind their story, their backstory, all of it!!
     
I went back to my laptop that day but couldn't write. I didn't have enough no matter how much I wrote about the person on paper. So, just 10k shy of being done, I began to edit my book and edit that subplot in. I'm going hella slow. Molasses has nothing on
me. Literally, I'm on chapter 2. Not kidding. My mind is so occupied with things, like reading two books at the same time, church things, home schooling things, being a bum things, I'm not jelling with writing time like I should.

BUT, this next week, I'm penciling in the commitments. Actually, I haven't but saying it here means I have to -- Jedi mind trick. And besides, I was getting on my youngest to just sit and put his fingers to the keyboard, and his essay would come faster than not doing it. After saying that, I was like dang, walking contradiction much??

How is everyone doing out there?? What are you reading, writing, watching, doing??

Love your guts,

-Tammy-

Monday, February 17, 2020

2020: A Year of Doing

I know it's been awhile since I've come on here, but various things have fallen between the couch cracks in the last few months. For me, life in 2019 was maybe one of the hardest (personally) that I've had to endure. I experienced more tears in that year than while giving birth to my four kids - combined. I kept my face brave, endured it with my family and support of friends who knew how things were going, and kept prayers going on a daily. 

This year, I thought as January was looking up, would be different. However, I'm not so sure. Everything just stings from 2019 still and I feel like I need a ton of daily affirmations just to get through the days. My husband's hugs are the best and he doesn't even know it.  

I will say, and I never thought I'd say this, I found a soft jazz instrumental music station on YouTube for one of my clients at work, and holy hell, it has been my own life changer. The comments have stated how the music helped several through depression or anxiety. I found my mood calmer when listening to it, too. I'm not a jazz listener. I've tried. I can do vocal jazz. But instrumental? My ears say no. This soft jazz though, like big time elevator music, has stabilized me every time it's on. When I'm cooking, working, studying, whatever I'm doing. My youth group even said they found it very relaxing and chill. 

Aside from all that, in my writing path to publishing, I'm awaiting some agents with partials/fulls with big crossed fingers. It's a shame this is taking so long, but requests for more came right before the holidays, so I imagine agents have a lot of catching up to do. And normally, I try to keep this all quiet and hush-hush. But honestly, I'd rather be transparent about it and find solidarity in others doing the same or having been there done that. In the end, it'll all be worth the wait. Right? Right???

Luckily, I also have 70k words drafted in my YA dark fantasy, and my goal is to finish it before the summer at close to 80-95k. Finished meaning off to betas after my own edits. I know it would've been done by now if work and personal stress hadn't gotten the best of me. So, if my Viking fantasy doesn't pan out like I hope, I'll have another to query this year. My comedic Kpop romance went to the side for now, but will be continued once the dark fantasy is off with betas. Gotta have something to do in the meantime, right?

One word to summarize 2019? (suckfest, that's mine)
A book and/or movie you loved in 2019? 
(A Song for the Stars by Ilima Todd, Sadie by Courtney Summers; movie...not so much)
Any word for 2020 to motivate you? (convinced; various predicators say this is my year; why argue??)

Love your guts,

-Tammy-