Monday, August 1, 2016

Male Guide to Female Communication

Looking on the internet, I found a topic of discussion called "Male guide to Female Communication." Instantly, the jokes in my head swarmed like flies to a...well, you get the point. I also thought this is very much like the MC in my book @PIMPBOOKMAMA (still editing). Cindy's very sarcastic. Not sure WHERE she gets it from. So, I'm going to let HER take this one over.

Here are some clues to how a female communicates in the eyes of Cindy Sikes:

1. When I walk in the room and sigh, it means I'm disappointed you haven't rolled out the red carpet, handed me my fav drink, and ordered me something online. Or just put your cereal bowl in the sink. That, too.

2. When you ask me what's wrong and I say nothing, it's because I'd prefer you ask me who you should annihilate today in my honor.

3. When I tell you something someone did that made me mad, see response #2.

4. When I ask for your opinion on an outfit, I'm actually asking for you to say how wonderful it looks, and that I need to buy MORE clothes just like it with your credit card.

5. When I ask what time you'll be home, I'm actually wanting you to pick up dinner, flowers, and a big tub of chocolate ice cream. Duh!

6. When I ask what you're doing as you're leaving me with the kids while you go "pick something up at the store", you should take my condescending-tone-hint and just say, "making sure the front door still works."

7. When you feel the heat coming off of me as a hot tramp-dressed girl walks by, it means you need to cool me off with your arm placed around me. Tight.

8. When I'm quiet, it's because I'm secretly wondering how Lorena Bobbitt did it. Because you're next if you don't make me happy again. See response #4 & 5.

9. When I'm super happy, it's because I figured out #8. Don't fall asleep...

10. When I pull out the needle and thread, it means I forgive you. See #8 & #9

Isn't Cindy a trip, guys??


Books read: Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo (six outcasts on a dangerous heist) *****stars
Book reading: A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman
What I swore off till done with edits: Reading
What I'm still doing that I swore off: Reading
What I'm bad at doing: swearing off reading
What I plan to do after this book I'm reading: probably read another...

1. What's your favorite clue to female communication?
2. Do you have any clues to add?
3. Any you got very, very wrong?


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'm not turning my back on Cindy for anything!

Pat Hatt said...

lol I think I'll just back away slowly from her and then run far far away.

Bish Denham said...

Oh my, she a wonderful neurotic mess!

Here's a clue: When I say, "Leave me alone!" storm out and slam the door I really want you to take me in your arms, cuddle me and say, "Everything's going to be alright, baby."

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

My husband has learned that when I saw 'do whatever you want' he should absolutely not do whatever he wants.
Six of Crows was great. I think the second book is out later this year if you need another reason to swear off reading.

Heather R. Holden said...

LOL, this is hilarious! I feel sorry for anyone who ends up on her list of people to annihilate... XD

Mark Noce said...

All good advice:) I try to keep my mouth shut and my ears works for me:)

Elephant's Child said...

I need to channel my inner Cindy more. Some days it would be a heap of fun.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Sounds like your Cindy has a heap of Attitude... with a capital A.

Nine times out of ten, when a woman says "nothing" is wrong, something most definitely IS wrong, and her fella better figure out what it is, and do it PDQ. (Men really need to do a better job of reading body language...)

Sheena-kay Graham said...

Oh dear, dear Cindy. Love you but hope my brother doesn't marry a lady too much like you. Especially if she's ill tempered. But that could be his fault. Maybe.

Neurotic Workaholic said...

Haha! I especially like the second one. If I say nothing's wrong, then "nothing" means "everything".

Tammy Theriault said...

Thanks for stopping by guys!!!

Crystal Collier said...

LOL. My list is slightly different, but that's to be expected, eh? And it definitely involves cheese. Lots of cheese.

I'm laughing at your list. Hey, reading is a part of writing. So...

Kristin Smith said...

Haha. I like Cindy!!

I have Six of Crows but I haven't read it yet! Did you love it?? I hear it's awesome, but like you, I'm swearing off reading until I can get these revisions done. *sigh*

The Silver Fox said...

Gee, I think I dated her, or someone very much like her.

Shannon Lawrence said...

Cindy's a kick. I know how Lorena did it. And I know her first mistake was not throwing that puppy in a blender so it couldn't be sewn back on.

zainab sheikh said...

Haha! I especially like the second one. If I say nothing's wrong, then "nothing" means "everything"
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