Tammy: Yes, I'd like to make a report.
Operator: What seems to be the situation, ma'am?
Tammy: *breaths heavy* I, um, opened my blogger and, um...
Operator: Ma'am, are you alone?
Operator: Okay, just start over and calmly tell me what happened.
Tammy: *takes deep breath* I opened my blogger and NO ONES BLOGGING ANYMORE!! Oh my gosh! Please help me! Help me!
Operator: Ma'am, you're not the only one calling about this...
ENTERS JOHN WALSH..."A tragedy has set here in Bloggerville. Many are outraged, wondering where the bloggers have gone. Why less writers are posting. And most importantly, where all the awards, bloghops/fests have vanished to. Here are our five top MOST WANTED reasons of why the epidemic."
Everyone wants to get their book out in the crowd. And with more Indie writers blossoming, books are hitting the pavement faster then a $2 hooker, and on everyone's posts.
Remedy: If you're going to promote, promote with spunk, snazz, pazzaz, bazzaz! Make it fun, and not lengthy!
We work, we child-rear, we cook, we pretend to be on the toilet but really reading; the list is endless. So where does the time go?
Remedy: No one said we wanted a blog novel. Just touch base and say what's going on in your world. Sometimes we just want to know you're still breathing...and not on a ventilator.
But, oh! What will I write? I have nothing to say.
Remedy: pffft...that book you just read and hated, you could have told me so we didn't waste our time! That little sales trick you just learned, share it fool! The movie you're stoked to watch, hey! Maybe we are too! Stop being so uptight and RELAX!! We don't need your sophisticated talk on writing all the time.
4. NO BLOGGING BRA EXTENSIONS!
Some bloggers are too clicky, only commenting on their fav circle of writers. Or only comment back on certain people. Cold shoulders unite!
Remedy: Have we forgotten how much we should support one another? Other then in book sales? Imagine your blog like a house, invite some biznitches over!! Talk about bloggers, meet bloggers, get out there and swing like two couples completely drunk and vulnerable! End writer clicks!
5. NO PARTY INVITES!
No one invited you to the party? Oh! That's because they're a rare commodity these days. Mep.
Remedy: Get out there and blog hop/fest and hand out awards to you're hearts content! Why not? Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! That was how we met people, how we all did something awesome on one particular day and boasted about it...like on our sidebars! Or got a cool award and bragged about it because awards are fun! Make up this crap again, people!
ENTERS JOHN WALSH...
"We can only hope that viewers everywhere will blog again. We are looking, and always on the hunt for new information from bloggers. Be it for entertainment or just journaling your day on writing. Even down to a good ol' interview for fun. Get out there everyone and blog!"