Wednesday, October 1, 2014

IWSG: Permission

Recently I went to a training for managers at work.
The topic: Overcoming Mistakes.
What?? But I swear! I didn't make the mistake, YOU made the mistake...
by thinking I made the mistake.
See? It's all good now.
 
 
I'll admit, some trainings I feel I'm IN the Peanut cartoon literally listening to the teacher do it's "wah wah wah" sounds. Yeah. This one was up there. Till one thing hit:
 
 
PERMISSION!
 
I'm going to make this quick and pain "wah wah wah" free. In the writing or personal world we create, we hold a certain standard of ourselves and others. We generally won't admit them, but come on, it's there. But from now on, the change that will move you forward is the word: PERMISSION.
 
And not just giving, but ALLOWING yourself to ASK for permission. What?? Okay, here's what I mean. I want to write when the kids go to bed and the hubs watches TV, but I feel it'll take that special time we see each other for more than an hour away. I texted him how important my writing is to me and how I wanted that bit of time to write when I needed and asked for his support. And he of course said "I support you, honey!" Once I heard that green light, I was guilt free. I knew he was okay, and now I was okay.
 
Now to GIVE yourself permission looks more like this:
  • It's okay she's a size 2 because I won't break a bone when I fall in my size 10 pants.
  • Tonight I just want some SOA time, and I'll write another day.
  • This stress zit builds character, not awkward looks...staring right at it.
  • Who cares if I don't write daily. I'm my own writer at my own speed.
  • Yeah, I still don't get punctuation do's and don'ts but so what? I don't get paid to.

The best part of allowing and giving yourself permission in life, it's a relaxation technique freely available.
Allow and Give yourself permission to be you and to work more towards who you are and not who you want people to think you are, or who you admire. They're already taken. Always be your lovable self. That's what we grew to admire in the first place.
 
What's one thing you're going to give yourself permission on, or ask permission about? 

33 comments:

SA Larsenッ said...

Great point about asking those around us for permission. I often feel guilty about writing at night. I don't do it very often anymore. Oh, and a little SOA time is just what I did last night, catching up on episodes on Netflix.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Tammy - asking for permission is such a necessary part of life - helps us understand each other ... especially if there's stress around ...

Cheers Hilary

Natalie Aguirre said...

Love your post and so true. We need to give ourselves permission as well as asking for it. Right now I'm super busy and tired at night and just want to read and watch TV. And that's okay for now.

Kristin Smith said...

I love this idea of asking permission! I also like to write at night after my kids are in bed, and I hadn't thought about asking my husband permission (or at least letting him know how much it means to me). Maybe if I do that, he won't feel quite so neglected! :)

Also, LOVE the size 10 pants line—so great!!

So nice to meet you through the IWSG, Tammy! :)

http://swordsandstilettos.blogspot.com

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I dig the spirit of your post! We're too hard on ourselves. We need to give permission for our faults and shortcomings to occur.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

A very valuable post and a truly liberating idea!

T. Drecker said...

We block ourselves way more than others ever would. Thanks for the permission!

Chrys Fey said...

It's great that your husband understands your need to write and fully supports you. That's a rare thing. :)

Pat Hatt said...

Wise words indeed, we have to give ourselves permission and just let the stress and what ifs float away, makes for a better day.

Andrew Leon said...

I'm pretty sure I'm not all that lovable, something like hugging a pineapple. However, I am me.

Elephant's Child said...

Brilliant. I need to give myself permission to stop. Without a guilt overload.

Lisa said...

My mother is constantly reminding me of this so you really hit home for me! Right now I'm giving myself permission to talk about my book as if it's the next NYT best seller. And that is a very hard thing for me to do, but, if I want to actually earn a living with my writing, and not kill my muse, I must stick to my guns and believe in my abilities...

JoJo said...

I usually give myself permission to do almost anything I want to, except impulse buying, as bad as I would like to!

Michael Di Gesu said...

Good advice!

WE need to have some freedom in our lives. With so much happening throughout our day we need to say..."Yes you can!"

So Tammy, "Yes you can chase the hot guy in short running shorts on the beach.... even if it's your hubby... This certainly would be a great form of exercise and stress reliever!

Michael Di Gesu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

I have to remind myself that most of my deadlines are of my own creation and I can change them rather than stress over them. Great post.

S.P. Bowers said...

Heh, lately I've been giving myself permission to take a nap. It cuts into my writing time, but I think it's saving my sanity, my marriage and my family.

Murees Dupé said...

Great post. I think I will give myself permission to be more myself instead of what others want me to be or need me to be. After all, I like who I am.

Thank you so much for your kind words on my blog. It made my day.

Elise Fallson said...

I give myself permission to suck at writing while drafting my ms. :) I also give myself permission to be short. No actually that really does suck. *slips into her high heels, then slips literally and falls on face* :P

Al Diaz said...

I love myself for visiting you this morning. First you made me laugh, then you delivered a message that ctually comforts me in more ways than one. Thank you, girl. (Dragon tacles Tammy in a big dragon hug)

Michelle Gregory said...

thank you. i needed this. and it's great to have a spouse who supports your writing.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I don't get paid to know punctuation and grammar, either. That's what Spell Check and editors are for.

Denise Covey said...

Great post which resonates with all of us. Women, especially, find it hard to do something for ourselves, which is crazy.

Lynda R Young said...

Ah, stress zits... I know them well.

Nicki Elson said...

Huh, asking permission. I never even thought of that! I'm pretty good at giving it to myself though.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Wonderful, needed advice, Tammy.
Thank you, and have a lovely weekend.

Arlee Bird said...

Often I feel a sort of guilt when I'm working on writing activities when my wife is at home. She doesn't seem to be overly appreciative of my writing. If I started making money from it then I think her attitude would change.

Lee
Tossing It Out

Tonja said...

I'm giving myself permission to ask my husband to get the kids from school and take care of them this evening so I can work on my writing and get to class. Sure, I'm going to pay for it tomorrow because the dishes aren't going to get done and I'm going to have to get the teen up super early to do the homework he isn't going to do tonight. I give myself permission to laugh about it.

Empty Nest Insider said...

It's so true how we often we feel the need to ask for permission to do what we love. Thanks for pointing out how silly it is to feel guilty about it!

Julie

Loni Townsend said...

My husband is very accommodating for my writing. But him watching the kids means he's not building their playhouse. So I must choose between self-satisfaction or stealing from my children's childhood. It gets hard for me when I look at it that way.

Editors At Work said...

Very valuable post and a truly great idea!

Misha Gericke said...

Yep. Permission is a wonderful thing.

I, for one, only ever finished a rough draft once I gave myself permission to make mistakes. :-)

cleemckenzie said...

I'm the one who asks for forgiveness. Go ahead, yell at me. I give you permission.