Monday, July 14, 2014

PIMPBOOKMAMA: Cortney vs Crystal - Mud Bath Stand-Off!

PIMPBOOKMAMA here saying...
 when you have too much mud in your backyard from keeping the kiddos find two girls and raise the stakes.
Cortney Pearson and Crystal Collier were definitely up for the mudtastic proposition: reveal their covers, answer questions, & then have a community mud bath with me!
Here's the kicker - they get the same questions.
Let's see how diverse this mud bath is gonna be.
Stand-off time!
1. If you could add any flavor to popcorn, what would it be if it couldn't be...dare I say cheese?
Cortney: Red Cream Soda with one of those energy boost things from Jamba Juice. TOTALLY.
Crystal: I'm a "traditional" popcorn type girl, but I love cotton candy & it's got pretty similar heft to popcorn. Hm. What if we had cotton candy flavored popcorn, with the melting/crackling experience & all. It would be like the 4th of July in your mouth.

2.Make up a word & give me it's meaning.
Cortney: Periphorsnipnikitous. n: The ability to perish and cut paper snowflakes with scissors at the same time. "He astounds me - he was so periphorsnipnikitous right to the end.
Crystal: Bogaheesh (boeg-a-heesh): total Hogswallop, making-it-up-as-you-go kind of non-sensory.

3. At a nudist beach, first think out of your mouth.
Cortney: I probably wouldn't say anything because I'd be like - holy spank me, they're all NAKED. Avert thine eyes! Then I'd be like, *peeks* wow, that's a lot of back hair.
Crystal: ... ... ... Are we lost?

4. Walk in your kitchen & open the drawer to your left. What's in it?
Cortney: Scentsy flavas! *takes a whiff* Along with the sample ones leftover from when I tried and failed to sell it, which I chisel out of the little tub with a knife. No sense in wasting some perfectly good smelly wax.
Crystal: Well, technically it's not my drawer...since we're renting a vacation rental.

5. If you could go drag-queen for one day, what would you look like?
Cortney: Barbara Streisand rockin' sparkly silver knee-high boots with pink fur on the top, too much red lipstick, and dreadlocks dangling to my waist. And a coconut bra & hula skirt, as tribute to Timone from the Lion King (yes, I'm dorky enough to instantly think of his luau dance to lure the hyenas away. *sings "Are ya achin'? For some bacon?*)
Crystal: (see picture)

DOUBLE POINT CHALLENGE...make a story with me!

Cortney: "Dang it, Charlie! I told you not to eat glue!" Lucy smoothed back her blonde locks from her forehead, then shook her finger in his face, again. "Now, eat rubber cement instead. Okay?" It was the last time Lucy wanted to see him squirting the white Elmer's tube into his mouth. If she did, she solemnly swore she would perform the Heimlich maneuver whether he needed it or not. "Oh come on, Amy," Charlie cooed. Lucy's face turned brick red. "Amy? Who's Amy?" Lucy's hair flew over her forehead. Charlie coughed. "No, I said Lucy. I oh screw it. Amy lets me eat glue anytime I want!" Without warning, Charlie felt a rush of relief at having his secret out at last. Lucy walked away, flipping her blonde locks, and chucking his bottle of Elmer's out the window - the last one she'd ever buy for him. Not all blondes are glueless, but now she certainly was. THE END!!

Crystal: "Dang it, Charlie!I told you not to leave the basement door unlocked!" Lucy smoothed back her blonde locks from her forehead, then shook her finger in his face, again. "Now, just because the zombie escaped doesn't mean anyone has to die before we catch him. We have to move quickly. Okay?" It was the last time Lucy wanted to see him handling his mangy rifle like a yellow-bellied noob. If she did, she solemnly swore she would wash his socks in arsenic. "Oh come on, Amy," Charlied cooed. Lucy's face turned green. "Amy? Who's Amy?" Lucy's hair flew over her forehead. Charlie reached for her. "No, I said Lucy. I did, didn't I? I can't remember..." Without warning, Charlie felt a lightning bolt to the forehead. Lucy walked away, flipping her blonde locks, and erasing the image of a dagger through his brow. If she'd been looking closer she'd have noticed the nibble marks on her ear. Not all blondes are observant enough to notice zombie teeth marks, but she was not all blondes. Time to find a new boyfriend - one more responsible - AFTER she hunted down her precious, missing pet zombie. "Hungry? Where are you, Hungry?" THE END!!
Cortney Pearson - PHOBIC
Fifteen-year-old Piper Crenshaw knows her house is strange. It’s never needed repairs since it was built in the 1800s, and the lights flicker in response to things she says. As if those things aren’t creepy enough, it’s also the place where her mother committed murder. To prove she’s not afraid of where she lives, Piper opens a forbidden door, which hides a staircase that leads to the ceiling. That’s when the flashbacks of the original residents from 1875 start, including a love affair between two young servants. Each vision pulls Piper deeper into not only their story, but also her house. Piper confides in her best friend, Todd, whom she's gradually falling for, but even he doesn't believe her. At least, not until her house gets axed during a prank, and the act injures Piper instead, cutting a gash the size of Texas into her stomach. Piper realizes her house isn’t haunted—it’s alive. To sever her link to it, she must unravel the clues in the flashbacks and uncover the truth about her mother’s crime, before she becomes part of her house for good.

Crystal Collier - SOULLESS
Have you met the Soulless and Passionate? In the world of 1770 where supernatural beings mix with humanity, Alexia is playing a deadly game. SOULLESS, Book 2 in the Maiden of Time trilogy Alexia manipulated time to save the man of her dreams, and lost her best friend to red-eyed wraiths. Still grieving, she struggles to reconcile her loss with what was gained: her impending marriage. But when her wedding is destroyed by the Soulless—who then steal the only protection her people have—she's forced to unleash her true power. And risk losing everything.


Elephant's Child said...

Each time I read one of your posts I think, it can't be as good as the last one. And it is, and I snort tea out of my nose and endanger my keyboard.

I really, really don't want my epitaph to read electrocuted herself laughing...

Natalie Aguirre said...

You are so creative in your interviews. This was a fun one. And nice of Crystal to answer her questions on vacation.

Pat Hatt said...

Well a lot of back hair at least covers things a bit haha enjoy your mud

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

No, not back hair - disgusting!
Hilarious, ladies.

cleemckenzie said...

Fun. Fun. Fun. And I want to borrow your shuch a great post. And I want to borrow your shoes.

Crystal Collier said...

Wahoo! That was ep-tastic! Thanks so much for having us, Tammy. LOL!

The Silver Fox said...

Very entertaining interview!

Mark Means said...

Haha, that was awesome! Thanks for the mid afternoon laugh :)

Cortney Pearson said...

Too much fun, Tammy! Thanks so much--this was a blast! I loved seeing Crystal's answers too. :D

L. Diane Wolfe said...

LOL - is the drag queen a Green Bay Packers fan.

Elizabeth Briggs said...

Ha, this was awesome.

Christine Rains said...

Absolutely hilarious! Congrats to Cortney and Crystal. I want Tammy to cast a drag show and pick the music.

S.P. Bowers said...

Oh, man. It's been so long since my last mud fight. I mean...I hear those mud baths are good for the skin.

Elizabeth Seckman said...

As a rule, I avoid mud, but I won't avoid these ladies' books!

Melissa said...

This was fun. :D

Suzi said...

I wish I had those Scentsy's in my drawer. Maybe it'd cover the smell of the kids. :)

DMS said...

This was such fun! I love the Scentsy drawer- I love good smells. :) They both had excellent responses to the nude beach questions! Best of luck to Crystal and Cortney.

Denise Covey said...

Hi Tammy! Just when everyone's talking about blogging becoming boring (nice alliteration Denise) you come up with a post like this. love those girls!

Michelle Wallace said...

Never a dull moment here!
Thanks for the entertainment ladies!

J.L. Campbell said...

Now that's an interesting post. Those coined words were pretty inneresting. Awesome how our minds work differently in terms of making up stories.

Jay Noel said...

If only they realized your interview was only a ploy to get them to open their drawers and show you their junk.

Okay...that sounded wrong.

Dana said...

Your posts are the best! Love this!

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