Monday, May 26, 2014

MY LIVE, not so really but kinda, INTERVIEW WITH ILIMA TODD!!!

It was a dark and stormy night...
Eating sushi late at night, my fifth meal, I spotted Ilima Todd arguing with the cashier about bringing her own drink from home. I quickly pulled Ilima away before rice, seaweed, and raw fish hit the fan, and distracted her with a few questions...

*this is a creative writing exercise. No Bruno Mars were harmed in the process.

  1. WWE called, everyone is getting squashed! We need a new character, move, and costume. GO!!!
She shall be called River and come two by two with hands of blue. She will kill you with her brain.
Did you drink Hawaiian Punch & double the sugar dose before you said that or something?
Please don't tell me you didn't catch my Firefly reference. Or worse, have never seen it. It's like I don't even know you anymore.
I'm sorry but maybe I need to make a "meat pie" out of you...enjoy the reference.

2. Will you take the green glittery pill or the pink glittery pill?
Is this going to make my poop sparkle?
Only in the sun...before...Twilight.
Stupid lamb.
*sniffs Hawaiian Punch* Not sure that's sugar added to it...

3. Love is in the ______
...way my husband buys me Taco Bell late at night (Fourth meal!!) when I'm having a bad day.
*munches on fresco taco & nachos* This is my go-to. *smacks Ilima's hand* Don't...touch!
Fine. I don't want any of your stupido taco anyway. *lies*

4. Best teased hair ever: Bret Michael's Poison days
or you when you wake up?
Um...a little of both? The 1980's called. They found me "modeling" in front of a bunch of Benetton posters. You're welcome.
I'm not sure I'm thankful for that "tease"!! Too soon?

5. Is that a candy wrapper?
No. I'm just glad toot-sie you.
But it looks shriveled up in a wad. Must not be that glad. Such a "tease". *brushes hair*
Not a wad...a roll. Or a pop. Either works. How many licks DOES it take?

6. Your hubs told me to ask if you know Bruno Mars...because you're Hawaiian in all.
He totes my BFF. And I'm, like, his treasure.
More like your Fourth Meal treasure!
Which would be a Mexican Pizza, thank you very much. I only go for "authentic" south-of-the-border cuisine. Hence the Taco Bell. And the pizza. Duh.

7. Did it suddenly get cold in here?
Here. I made you a cup of hot chocolate. With real cream and mini marshmallows.
Thanks. Maybe I also need toot-sie if Bruno would like some warming up, too.
Sorry girl, you've been locked out of heaven.
*throws Mexican pizza across room* Go fetch while I find the key!!

8. Give me your best pig impersonation.
"Groin groin," she says, rolling her R's.
Just gotta text from your hubs. He said no more Fourth Meal runs for a week. Dang that's cold... *sips on cocoa*
Toot-toot-toot-sie. *Burps* "Excuse me," she says bashfully. "Are you gonna share some of that cocoa?"
"Only if you keep talking in third person," she comments while winking.

9. If you were 007, what would your movie title be?
Octopuppy. (because puppies)
Ohhhhh I'm glad you pointed out it's because of the puppies. Here I was thinking it was because of...puppy. Thanks for the clarification. *pretends to sip on cocoa & looks away*
Well, my favorite colors is light tan & my favorite animals is "poopies". Excuse me while I go wear some stretchy pants in my room. Is for fun. (Nachoooooooooooooooooo!)
I'm beginning to seriously think that's not sugar added to your Hawaiian punch...

10. This is a doozy of a question it like rain on your wedding day? The free ride, when you've already paid? The good advice you just didn't take?

You know it totally did rain on my wedding day.
Well Alanis just squealed. Oh wait. Nope. It was because she just bought a puppy, I mean, puppies. *dumps cocoa in sink* Bruno just texted! He said it's nach-o business about your fourth meal rendezvous but if I wanted toot-sie it, come on over & stop being a "tease". Well now, isn't that ironic.
If you didn't like my cocoa, you could have said so. *sobs* I even saved you a bean brunoritto, and this is how you repay me. Who would've figures. Go away. Read some books.
I just read a book on How To Make Ilima Vunerable. Your hubs wrote it. Great tips but it's in PIG latin. *throws another Mexican pizza across the room*


Ironically, I had a sparkling good time! While I was a little scared Tammy-Niska would make a meat pie out of me, I came out okay in the end--and didn't even have to rob a train in the process. I learned we can both be sweet (with chocolate chewy centers), but "every rose has its thorn" and I know not to TEASE Tammy anymore. I won't hide that key to heaven next time. When my BFF Bruno is in town, the three of us will have to think outside the bun and squeal like pigs together. Don't forget your stretchy pants!

*Gorges on Mexican pizza taco nacho-d tootsie-rolled pork* I'm already in sweat pants. *Hands Bruno Ilima's Hawaiian Punch* Trust me, it's not the sugar that packs the punch. But it is your awesome survival of my interview that earns you this badge, Ilima! Wear it loud and proud or pack it in your teased hair to find later!


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Groin groin? I thought that's the sound injured football players make.
Takes three licks to get to the center.
River reference - you are too cool, Ilima!

Murees Dupé said...

Loved Firefly! Ilima you rock.

Pat Hatt said...

Ouch, that pig sounds like it just got snip snipped

ilima said...

Thanks for having me, Tammy. It was an experience and a half. Save some of that sushi for me!

Suzi said...

Can I come eat sushi with you guys? You sound like so much fun. :)

Chrys Fey said...

What a fun interview! I enjoyed the questions and all of Ilima's answers. The first question made me laugh because I actually have created wrestlers for a WIP. It's fun!

Oh, and I love the Firefly reference, Ilima. River is awesome!! :D

Annalisa Crawford said...

Your interviews always make me feel like I've forgotten how to speak English lol!

Tammy Theriault said...

THANKS EVERYONE!! And hugs to Ilima!! SWAK

T. Drecker said...

River reference is awesome. . .but then so are tacos. *Sigh*

Stephanie Faris said...

Cute answers! I love Taco Bell, but I never get to eat it. My husband isn't a fan.

Elizabeth Seckman said...

Totally rained on my wedding day too. My grandma said that was a good sign. She was either wise or trying to make a whiny granddaughter quite belly aching about a wet dress and frizzy hair.

Gina Stoneheart said...

I loved reading this interview, Tammy! Such a fun break from my writing today. And Ilima, where do you come up with this stuff? Your answers totally kicked butt! My boyfriend gets me late night tacos, too, but we have a taco truck which is our go-to gorging out on some yummy, fast fattening Mexican grub=)

Romance Book Haven said...

Fun interview. Loved reading it!

Johanna Garth said...

Between 80's hair and guys rule!!

klahanie said...

Hey Tam-bare and hey Ilima,

Glad you thanked Tammy for having you :) No innuendos!

Delighted you survived one of Tammy's gosh darn interesting, zany surreal interviews. A real Taco Blog interview.

I'm outta here.....


Donna K. Weaver said...

Oh, my heck. You two make me smile. And those crazy answers were making my head spin.

But I got the Firefly reference right away in the first question. :D

Denise Covey said...

This was so much fun.

Tammy Theriault said...


LuAnn Braley said...

I should've probably waited until I was more awake to read this. When I siesta, this is gonna give me some weird dreams! :O)

Cherie Reich said...

LOL! This was so much fun, and I loved the toot-sie pun. :)

Sherry Ellis said...

I'll take the pink, glittery pill, thank you very much.

Lexa Cain said...

Hawaiian Punch, tacos, tootsie rolls and hot chocolate. Do I detect a theme here? *goes to make some cocoa* :)

Al Diaz said...

Mexican pizza taco nacho...what? I wonder if that's some kind of magic spell to get dark tall and handsome men. (Bad news to the dark, small, not so handsome dwarves.)

Sheena-kay Graham said...

Bad hair, sparkly poop, rainy weddings and all kinds of craziness. Yup, another interview with Tammy gone right. Congrats Ilima on making it through.

Beverly Stowe McClure said...

Giggle, giggle. Thanks for making me laugh today.

Cortney Pearson said...

Laughing!! And Ilima--I've never seen Firefly!! *hides* (Love Alanis Morisette btw, that was one of the first CDs I ever bought back in the day.)

Crystal Collier said...

LOL! Okay, ya'll need to go get some Firefly and Serenity today. No, seriously. I'm with Ilima on this one. ;)

Christine Rains said...

I totally got the Firefly reference, and now I'm craving tacos and I don't even like them!

Leigh Covington said...

I'm going to admit, I have no idea what this Firefly stuff is that everyone talks about. Get me up to date. I must watch... or whatever. Now I'm going to go check on Bruno. :)
Fab interview ladies!

Leigh Covington said...

I'm going to admit, I have no idea what this Firefly stuff is that everyone talks about. Get me up to date. I must watch... or whatever. Now I'm going to go check on Bruno. :)
Fab interview ladies!

Tammy Theriault said...


ilima said...

Suzi--It's a date!

Elizabeth--My mom says in our culture it's good luck. It's the heavens showering blessings on I'm gonna roll with that. :)

Cortney and Leigh--Drop what you are doing and watch Firefly RIGHT NOW. That's an order. It should be on instant streaming on Netflix if you do Netflix. There's only one season too. Finish it off with Serenity-the-movie and your life will be complete.


Jessie Humphries said...

Snort! Mmmm , Mexican Pizza! My respect for you just went up a notch.

Kelley Lynn said...

This. Was. Awesome.

Well done ladies!

Nick Wilford said...

Feel like I should have had some Hawaiian punches before embarking on this interview! Nice one ladies.

Ilima, is that you with the big hair in the photo??

Michael Di Gesu said...

I don't know how many calories I ingested just reading this interview! I'd never get into Tammy's favorite running shorts if I ate all that stuff! LOL.

Sounds like QUITE THE PARTE'

You girls are TOOOOOOO funny...

Always a good laugh! Thanks, Tams!

Hope you enjoy this 'steamy' weekend and your hair isn't TOO BIG! lol

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ilima said...

Nick--yes, that's me! About 9 or 10 years old, lol.

Kathryn Purdie said...

This is the most bizarre interview I've ever read.



Anonymous said...

I'm laughing and I'm hungry. Well-done.

Carrie Butler said...

You had me at River, Ilima! :)

And hey there, Tamizzle!

Michelle Wallace said...

Awesome fun!
Great interview!

Michelle Wallace said...

Awesome fun!
Great interview!

Lynda R Young said...

Oh look, sparkles!!

Thanks for the chuckling-great interview.