Monday, April 21, 2014

MY LIVE, not so really but kinda, INTERVIEW WITH CARRIE BUTLER

It was a dark & stormy night...
I was down at a massage parlor working out some kinks from a night I can't remember, when I got a text. "Look behind you" There she was, Carrie Butler, standing in the doorframe! She said she had a knot in her buttocks and thighs just worked on. Hmmm..."kinky".

*this is a creative writing exercise. No strippers were harmed in the process*


1. Pitch me a TV show idea for us.
This summer, contestants from all over the country will fight for the chance to compete in WRITE OR CRY. It's a little like the website WRITE OR DIE - racing against the clock to complete work count goals - but we'll take a more extreme approach. Know an author who brags about cranking out 300 words per minute? Let's see if she can do it suspended over a shark tank while Gilbert Gottfried recites 50 SHADES OF GREY. Then, once she fails - I mean, IF she fails, - we (the judges) get to spin the Wheel O'Wailing! Will we give her just one Pringle? Will we shred her birth certificate? You never know!
Okay okay...WHAT is really in your water bottle?
Captain Mor - er, nothing. :)

2. Would you mind removing your shoes?
Only if you don't mind me running around in my Batman socks - because that's what I'm wearing. I buy my socks in the boys department, because they get all of the cool super heroes.
I'll let you but hand me your "water bottle". I may need a swig of that to enjoy it to it's max.

3. In you purse is a big fat _____.
...hole in my wallet!
You must be one noisy stripper...ching-ching-ching.

4. Who wore bedazzling better: Elvis or Dolly?

Dolly acting as an Elvis impersonator? What do you mean that's cheating? Fine, fine...I guess hers would sparkly more - you  know, since they stick out more to catch the light.

5. Would you like to party?
Are you serious? All this time, I thought I had to FIGHT for my RIGHT to parrrrtay. Now you're just asking me like it's no big deal? I gotta admit, it's a little anticlimactic...
Sorry, let me rephrase. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PARRRR - TY???
I'll get back to you on that.
*digs in pocket* Would a shiny penny motivate you?

6. In what movie would you beat up the lead girl in?
Well, I did do archery long before Katniss came into being...
*lowers cage over Katniss & Carrie* SHOW ME HOW YOU PARTY SISTA!!
*the girls launch at each other in a cartoonesque cloud of dust. Minutes later, Carrie is slammed against the bars all squishy - faced* D-Did I say Katniss? I meant Bella. BELLA. Bring on the cold one! *Silence* ...Hello? *Carrie twists around and throws a hard elbow* Darn it, Tammy! Stop selling tickets and save me! I was wrong. I don't want to fight for my right to party!
I can't hear you over your stripper coins! What???

7. Do you remember the night in Tahiti?

Barely. I remember testing out the car batteries, licorice, and chili powder for that scene in HONESTY. I think Chibs was there - or on TV. It's all a blur.
All I know is I have a tramp stamp on my back. No really...look. It rubs right off! Now these rug burns, that I'm unsure of...

8. Ice cream?
 In the microwave! Don't judge me.
I'm sorry, but I have to. You just got a nine out of ten. I had to knock off a point for insecurity, or shall I say iceacreamity? No? Too soon?
Ba dum tssshhh!

9. What dress looks better, the red one or...the red one?
Well, the red one matches your eyes after that night in Tahiti, but the red one is so...red. Hey! Did you know red stimulates appetite? That why so many restaurants use it . Fun fact.
*gorges on bowl of creamy ice cream in red dress* What? I didn't hear you.
It's creamy because I microwaved it. You can thank me later. :D
You so earned your point back.

10. I know this is personal but please don't go chasing waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.
Sorry, Tammy. You know I'm going to have it my way or nothing at all. Unless of course, you think I'm moving too fast?
Chibs told me your not moving fast enough. I told him you're not an energizer bunny dang it! He said after Tahiti...he begs to differ.
Hey, what happens in Tahiti, STAYS in Tahiti.
*snuggles with Jax* done and done!


THE RECAP

Whew! That was AN experience and a half. I shall always look back fondly at the mental scars - I mean, MEMORIES we share today <3. I learned that the world might not be ready for our brand of reality  television, but that's okay. We have stolen coins, indiscreet water bottles, and bedazzled costumes. What more could we possibly want? Also, Katniss may have unresolved issues from the Hunger Games, so she's not ready for the cage circuit. Now back to Tahiti, where the ice cream melts on its own!

I have my red dress on, a gallon of mint chocolate chip, and a two plane tickets...ARE WE READY TO PARRRRRTY!!! And take your I SURVIVED MY INTERVIEW WITH TAMMY THERIAULT BADGE!!

45 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Creamy, microwaved ice cream...
I would watch Write or Cry.
Now, Elvis doing a Dolly impersonation would be disturbing...
Well done, ladies!

Pat Hatt said...

Hmmm I may want to avoid Tahti, who knew a guy who voiced a bird in Aladdin would go 50 shades. But then again he did voice a bird, maybe time to use one?

Michael Di Gesu said...

LOL....

I SO needed this laugh! Thanks ladies! Carrie, I'm so glad you survived and joined our ranks! LOL.

TAMMY....

INSANELY FUNNY as EVER!!!! You'll be happy to know the weather hiked.... as so have the running shorts. The lakefront's abuzz with muscular legs pounding the pavement!

ilima said...

Carrie has a lot of violent ideas. I'm a little scared. *slurps microwaved ice cream*

cleemckenzie said...

You two put on your witty caps, didn't you? I want those socks, Carrie. You can't have all the fun.

debi o'neille said...

Thanks for oodles of laughs. I enjoyed this! Still laughing ...
Deb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com

SA Larsenッ said...

Now #6 gave me way more of a chuckle than I should have allowed ... YES! Go. Get. BELLA!!! I'll help!

Donna K. Weaver said...

I haven't had a chance to start Honesty yet. Now I'm intrigued.

Loni Townsend said...

Ha! Zany and all around fabulous. You two rock!

Elephant's Child said...

Even my reality show phobic self would HAVE to watch Write or Cry.
And thank you both for creating a party in my head this morning. With (I hope) no red-eyes or rug burns for me to contend with.

Carrie Butler said...

@Alex - I knew there was someone else out there who would enjoy a warped, writer-themed contest! *grins* Thank you!

@Pat - Yeah, that would be pretty scary. I don't think I could take it. lol

@Michael - I'm glad I survived, too! That was brutral. Whew! LOL

@Ilima - Only occasionally... for entertainment purposes. :D Speaking of microwaved ice cream, have you ever had a Microshake. I haven't had one since the late '80s/early '90s but they were sooo good!

@Lee - I highly recommend them! They add a little fun to your day to day routine. :D

Carrie Butler said...

@Debi - Glad we share a sense of humor, Debi! :D

@SA - Haha! :) You're on!

@Donna - If you can get past Cole's colorful language/perspective, it's a funny read! :) It also gives him more dimension...

@Loni - Woohoo! Thank you. :D

@Elephant - Yes! The Write or Cry audience is growing! LOL

@Tamizzle - Thank you so much for having me! This was a great way to start the week. :D

Melissa said...

I microwave ice cream, too. So there.

Great interview, ladies. :)

Julie Luek said...

As always, a fun interview with great banter. Thanks Tammy and Carrie!

Natalie Aguirre said...

Such a fun interview. I might pass on the ice cream.

Not sure I'll ever be talented enough to pull off such an entertaining interview.

Tammy Theriault said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU ALL!!! and yes Carrizle, you too!!

Leandra Wallace said...

Ice cream in the microwave?! That's a new one for me, lol! And the Dolly comment- too funny and so true! =D

S.P. Bowers said...

Absolutely nothing wrong with microwaving ice cream. You know, just to soften it up and make it creamy goodness. Yeah, I'm on board with that.

Elizabeth Seckman said...

I swear, there is nothing Carrie Butler can't do! So, can I get paid for a guest spot on Write or Die? I need some extra summer cash.

Romance Book Haven said...

Wow, fun interview. Witty, too!

Joylene Nowell Butler said...

RORLOL. That was hilarious! Love the badge. Conjugal visit!!! ooooeeee

Nigel G. Mitchell said...

The TLC reference was epic

Tammy Theriault said...

you guys are ALL KINDS of awesome!! thanks for supporting Carizzle my nizzle!

Jocelyn Rish said...

I would watch the crap out of WRITE OR CRY, but I would never want to be a contestant. Because 1. there's a very good chance I'm the slowest writer in the world and 2. I'm crying just thinking about trying not to cry on national television.

Lexa Cain said...

The "Wheel O'Wailig" - Haha! On the bedazzling front, I vote for Dolly. And yes, Bella would make an easier foe than Katniss. I hope Carrie manages to un-squish her face...

DAVID WALSTON said...

Tahiti must have been unforgettable!
wink wink, nudge nudge!

Teresa Powell Coltrin said...

Funny!

I'm not that fond of ice cream but eat it, not often but often enough. I think it's too cold so I microwave it.

David P. King said...

You make your guests remove their shoes? Well ... if the guest is wearing batman socks I'd have them take their shoes off too. :)

Suze said...

That was a whirwlind! :)

Suze said...

Or, you know, whirl. Wind. Yeah.

Carrie Butler said...

@Melissa - As all good Americans do! Er, okay, maybe not...

@Julie - Thank you, Julie! :)

@Natalie - I don't I could, either. Tammy is a creative genius when it comes to asking off-the-wall questions!

@Tammy - Especially you, Tamizzle!

@Leandra - You should try it! It's like a milkshake. :D

@S.P. - YES! I knew I wasn't alone here. :D

@Elizabeth - Many things. Mental math, for example. LOL And of course you can! We just need some generous sponsors...

@Romance Book Haven - Thank you! :)

@Joylene - Yay! :) Thanks, Joylene!

@Nigel - It's going to be stuck in your head all day, isn't it? ;)

@Joylene - Yeah! Same here. You can be a guest judge and make others cry, instead. LOL

@Lexa - Me too. That was painful... *rubs her face*

@David - Absolutely! ;)

@Teresa - I'm the exact same way! I have a low tolerance for sweets, so I don't eat ice cream all that often. But when I do have it? Straight to the microwave! :)

@DPK - You, sir, have excellent taste! :)

@Suze - Gotta love typos! :D

Crystal Collier said...

Bwa-ha-ha-ha! Now I have to go put on my red dress and eat some ice cream. Mine will not be microwaved though. I live in Florida. ;)

True Heroes from A to Z

Christine Rains said...

Fantastic interview. And always pick Bella over Katniss. Bella is so pitifully submissive. Katniss is a dom.

klahanie said...

Hey Carrie and yes indeed, the adorable Tam-bare,

Great interview! Thanks for sharing! Goodbye!

Kidding. Speaking of Tahiti, this interview certainly didn't Bora Bora me :)

Well done for surviving your interview with Tammy.

Gary

Eileen said...

Haha this interview is so fun! I especially love that TV show idea because it seems so funny that if I was ever on it I'd probably start hysterically laughing. ANd I actually didn't know that red stimulated my appetite I may need to stop looking at it because i'm already hungry enough as it is.

Donna Hole said...

That was a lot of fun. I have to agree that Dolly makes a better "shiny".

Carrie Butler said...

@Crystal - Florida... nature's microwave! :D

@Christine - I underestimated Katniss in close quarter combat...

@Gary - Why thank you, kind sir!

@Eileen - Me too! I need to find sunglasses that block the color red. Hmm...

@Donna - Shiny, indeed! Haha :)

Heather Holden said...

I don't usually watch reality shows, but I think I'd have to tune in to Write or Cry... ;)

DMS said...

This was so much fun! I love the TLC bit. :) Thanks for making me smile!
Jess

Tammy Theriault said...

Just got a call from Jax...Chibs is waiting for you Carrizzle!!

Lynda R Young said...

nuked ice cream...an interesting concept.
Gotta love batman socks!!!

Medeia Sharif said...

This entire post was shimmering with coins and bedazzling ornaments. Quite festive. :)

Jay Noel said...

Still trying to imagine Dolly as Elvis. I think she'd do a great job.

I think Carrie would totally kick Bella's ass!

BECKY said...

OMG, crazy funny!! I've been away for much too long! I'm attempting to keep up, reading and commenting, on all the blogs I love....Sheesh...there's never enough time! Now my thoughts:
1) Write or Cry!
2) Bedazzling worn better? What about Liberace??!!
3) Microwave ice cream, hmmm...I could handle that if it was only warmed for about 5 seconds!
Thanks for a hilarious and fun read this morning!

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