When I walked into the bathroom of an exclusive high end restaurant with golden arches, the stalls were occupied, and I was hurting. As a bathroom door opened, so did the mouth of LEIGH COVINGTON, who was mid-gorging on a pad of butter. "Leigh? Is this where you've been hiding from us bloggers?" She nodded, continuing to chew. We sparked conversation instantly having not talked in so long.
*This is a creative writing exercise. Hot actors were harmed in the process.
1. WWE called. They want you in the ring! What's your character name, look, & famous move?
Little Bo Sleep cause I look so sweet, but I've got a mean sleeper move - oh yeah, & I carry a stick.
I'll remember to bring my night time shears.
Unfortunately, I don't think you'll be able to find them. Not that I know anything about that.
2. Can you do the chicken jerk?
You did it! Great way of being a chicken and a jerk at the same time! So impressive.
LOL! Oh my gosh! I was seriously searching online for some crazy dance move. I think I'll make one up! We can rock it together!
OKAY SERIOUSLY...I didn't ask you to do it twice.
3. My bowels are ___________
On FIRE! (EEK! Why did that pop in my head?) My bowels are fine. REALLY!
Ohhhh...sorry. The answer we were looking for was "in an uproar". That a shame. Would you like a mint?
How 'bout a Tums? Or some Pepto?
Sorry I used the last doing the chicken jerk.
4. Spirit fingers or raise the roofs?
Raise the roof baby! Although I was a cheerleader, so maybe I'm cheating on myself.
Whoa. That's hot.
Quite the visual, isn't it?
*holds kaleidoscope up & twists it* Yes, yes it is...
5. Date night! What actors are we double dating?
OOH! Gerard Butler and Hugh Jackman! I don't even care which one I get!
I care! If Gerard is 300 Gerard - he's MINE!!! You keep the hairy guy that'll claw you while you hug!
That works for me! I love Gerard, but Hugh can leave claw marks any time he wants. OOH BABY!
I'll grab the Neosporin next to my mints.
6. If we made a reality show, what would it be called?
Rookie Writers on the Road. (Just think we could travel for inspiration)
Sorry, was filming you stuffing your face while saying that. Can you do it again but pretend to choke? Makes for way better TV!
Dude, I already choked once & you forgot to press the record button! We need ratings here, but I can only choke so many times!
Said the lady that just wants me to give her mouth to mouth resuscitation. I told you...not till you take the mint!!
7. Better dancer: John Travolta or Channing Tatum?
Hands down, Channing Tatum! I bet he's a better kisser too! Don't you think?
*kisses Channing* Yes. Oh sorry, I smudged your poster.
He's so talented, he even kisses good from his posters. Talk about skill!
Wait, why is there a worn spot on his mouth? Oh my gosh. We just did mouth to mouth minus resuscitation.
8. Can you pass the butter?
You didn't say PLEEEASE!
Are you implying that I butter say please??? Channing poster torn!
*cries uncontrollably while trying to tape poster back together* CURSE YOU AQUA SCUM!!!
9. Hobo skirt or kilt?
Or neither? Okay, a kilt! Everyone should go down that road at least once, right?
*puts on kilt* I feel breezy. *drops butter* Crap, you may want to pick that up for me. I did the Full Monty kilt.
Nope! You ripped the poster, you have to pick it up yourself! And Hugh is holding Gerard back so he can't help you.
*pops mint in mouth* We're gonna be here a while...
10. I feel bad asking but did I hear you saying this while opening your window: "And I say hey...hey...I said hey, what's going on."
*sings* Twenty-five years and my life is still, trying to get up that great big hill of hope, for a destination!!
I'm sure the Wolverine Hugh can just throw you up there. Seriously.
You're right! Thanks to your fab problem solving skills, I will forgive you about the poster and by a new one! And blow you a kiss. Have you figured out how to pick up that butter yet?
Yes! I scooted it near Hugh and Gerard. They both slipped on it, rendering them of their clothes. A flash went off, & magically new posters for you & me were made. Chicken jerk score!!
I knew I loved you for a reason! Talk about a serious win-win! I always like to surround myself with positive thinkers who can turn a "slippery" situation into a good one, and you are exactly that - and MORE! So I will be sure to always give you butter to spill when we're on a double date with sexy men. And an uber big hug for having me over for this crazy interview. Talk about the best way to get my creative juices flowing! You are hilarious and this was so much fun! ((HUGS)) - oops! Now WE slipped on the butter. What a mess! Oh, well. At least Gerard and Hugh are here with us!
*laughs while rolling in butter* I had a blast, too! Now shhh...I need to give everyone mouth to mouth & it makes it way easier if I can pretend you're all unconscious. So close your eyes... *pulls Gerard and Hugh up & sneaks away* I am the master of the chicken jerk! But, you still earned your badge! Put down the butter and accept your I SURVIVED MY INTERVIEW WITH TAMMY THERIAULT badge with slippery honor.