Monday, July 22, 2013

MY LIVE, not so really but kinda, INTERVIEW WITH M PEPPER LANGLINAIS

It was a dark and stormy night...
 
There I was, walking the streets in my high heels heading to speak to a few lawyers and get the best rates. But something caught my eye. There she was, M Pepper, sitting on a bench with stuffed dolls and a suited man behind her carrying a suitcase. What...the...
I forgot what I was doing and sat to talk.
And you won't BELIEVE what I learned!
 
*This interview style is for a creative writing practice.
 
1. I'm giving you one phone call for 10mins. Who are you calling?
My lawyer. Wait. He just told me not to answer that.
$10 for an answer?
Well, that IS more than my lawyer pays...*yoink* (takes the money)
Your lawyer PAYS you??? He's so hired!!
 
2. If you were a couch, what would you say as I plop down hard on you?
Oof. (The amount of cursing would depend on how many of my children were in the room)
Well I started jumping on you in high heels. Man, I love these high heels! *bounce*
*#@!&% (Sorry, kids. You were gonna hear it sometime, might as well be from me.)
 
3. What would your business card say as the tagline for yourself?
Well, as it says on my Twitter tag: "award-winning screenwiter & all-around muse/good luck charm"...Though my lawyer says I cannot make such a claim exept for entertainment purposes.
Your lawyer is such a Debbie downer! I'd so wear you for a good luck charm.
I know, right? See how I sparkle in the sunlight?
Quiet!! My lucky charms must never speak! It ruins my mojo.
 
4. If I were to sell you on the black market, what would be a good asking price?
Oh, I'm priceless. Like, seriously, I don't think you could give me away...my parents tried a few times but had no takers until my husband came along. Sucker!
 
5. Would you like to pillow fight?
There are pillows in those pillow cases, right?
Possibly my high heels...possibly...
I think I'll pass; I'm out of swears.
 
6. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
Well, when you put it that way...No.
How about now? ajdifodapfjmdsm
I speak English, French, and a smattering of Japanese, but not Norwegian. Sorry.
My bad, I thought you spoke "swears".
 
7. Who is funnier: David Spade or Chris Farley?
Are we doing old school SNL? I always liked Dennis Miller when he helmed the news desk. What great hair he had.
NO! You can't bring him in. He was a dunce for a newsman! Kevin Nealon all the way!! Wait...was that Spade or Farley?
Dana Carvey.
Touche, girl...touche.
 
8. May I use your credit card?
Even I'm not allowed to use my credit card.
Screw it. I'll just put my high heels back on, give your hubs a wink, and steal his.
 
9. Who are we going on a date with tonight?
I'm contractually obligated to bring Sherlock, John and/or Jim with me on all outings. They are my chaperones. See, ask my lawyer...On second thought, don't. He refuses to answer any questions, even mine.
Wow. I'll think I'll take back that $10 and give it to him so he can buy a freakin' personality! Let ME be your lawyer!
 
10. Now I'm shy to ask this but do you think you could whip it, into shape, shape it up, get straight, move forward, try to detect, it's not to late, to whip it, whip it good?
Sounds like a rigorous exercise program...I'm kind of lazy, though I do like long walks in the hills near my home and have been known to hit the sports club from time to time. I do leave the detecting to Sherlock, though. (Scratch that, my lawyer is vigorously shaking his head for some reason.)
So that's where the sudden snow came from...dang lawyer!
 
THE RECAP
 
I need a new lawyer. And I swear more than I should. (Comes from being raised by sailors, I suspect)
 
Don't forget what else we learned today. $10 goes a long way. Not only does it pay you, but buys me new heels for my pumps after ruining mine during the interview. But I'm willing to just charge something on the credit card I took from your hubs and call it even. But this badge is free! You earned your "I SURVIVED MY INTERVIEW WITH TAMMY THERIAULT" badge!! Wear it loud and proud!
 
         *Would like to be interviewed and have some fun? Let me know!
Email me at: tammybr12@gmail.com. I take any willing participants!
        

23 comments:

Stina Lindenblatt said...

This is the funniest interview I've read. Poor couch! If someone is jumping on you in heels, you get to curse all you want. Those kids will lean curse words soon enough, anyway.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

For twenty bucks, I'll be your lawyer! And Dennis Miller rocks.

Pat Hatt said...

A curse would surely come due or two haha another fun interview, I'll take that lawyer too.

Suze said...

*yoink* (takes the money)

*smilesmile*

Love the energy in theses posts, babe. Now, I'm in the mood to listen to Devo.

S.P. Bowers said...

You know, my parents tried to give me away a few times.

Tammy Theriault said...

THANKS EVERYONE THAT STOPS BY!! Hugs

M said...

Thanks, Tammy, for the fun time! Though it'll be a while before these spike heel-shaped bruises will mend . . .

~MPL
PepperWords

Christine Rains said...

Hilarious interview! I had no idea M swore that much. Extra cool point!

Neurotic Workaholic said...

I like this interview! And I'd like to bring Sherlock with me on a date, because then he'd be able to tell me everything about my date (particularly the things that my date isn't telling me.) And I always liked David Spade. I think it'd be fun to bring him along on a date too so that he could make funny jokes if the date got too boring.

Gwen Gardner said...

LOL, you could start a swear jar and then be able to afford a real attorney!

Hilarious interview - thank you so much.

Tammy Theriault said...

SHERLOCK WOULD DEFINITELY BE GOOD FOR DATE DETECTING!

M said...

I actually met David Spade once, but that's a whole other thing . . . He took it very well. 'Nuff said.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

As always, a stellar interview. Thanks for the chuckles.

Emily R. King said...

Go M Pepper for knowing her SNL trivia!

Great interview!

Suzi said...

Gotta go with Pepper on this one, Dennis Miller. :)

Tammy Theriault said...

SNL is awesome...even without Dennis Miller. Haha!!!

Mark Means said...

LOL...great interview and thanks for the laugh :D

Stephen Tremp said...

Thanks ladies for the fun and light hearted post. I.needed that!

Tammy Theriault said...

Any time good sirs!!

klahanie said...

Hey M.Pepper and what's her name, oh yeah, the every smiley n'stuff, Tammy,

Why do I have the urge to have a certain brand of carbonated beverage.

Anyway, have no idea who David Spade or Chris Farley are. Never mind.

Does "SNL" mean "Saturday Night Live"?

You seemed to whippet good in this interview. Well done for surviving an interview with that gosh darn cute, Tammy! :)

You are incredibly welcome for my highly collectable comment!

Medeia Sharif said...

So funny. *wipes away tears* That badge is well-earned.

Nas said...

Hilarious interview! You have the knack for interviewing Girl!

Carrie Butler said...

Love it! :)