I've learned things about Christine, I've never known...and shudder again to think twice about!!
YOU'VE READ IT HERE FIRST!!!
*this interview style is a practice of spontaneous creative writing. Enjoy!
I'm just covering for my harpy Meira. She had to have Cinderella and her incredible shoe collection. You just don't find glass slippers in stores these days. Disney has a whole freaky shoe treasure trove in that big old castle of theirs, and Meira wants it.
*pulls glass from foot* Trust me, glass slippers are overrated. Got any band-aids? I like the Disney Princess kinds.
I've got Harry Potter bandages. They glow in the dark. Lumos! Radioactive healing.
Expelliarmus!! I SAID PRINCESS BAND AIDS!! *pants* I am not a diva, I am not a diva, I am not a diva…
2. I have vacationed ALL over the U.S. growing up. I have one favorite tour spot though. Can you guess it?
Hmm, let's see. You're a mom and ride a motorcycle. So that means you're tough. You would love a rough place like the dusty roads of Arizona or maybe the Badlands. No, wait, Dollywood. That's it.
Surprisingly…no. Come on girl, it’s every woman’s fantasy place. That’s my last hint!
GOSH DANG IT! NO!!! HERSHEY FACTORY IN HERSHEY, PENNSYLVANNIA!!! Cool thing, even the street lamps are in shapes of foiled Hershey kisses.
3. If you were given $20, what would you do with it?
I wouldn't go to Dollywood or Disney. I would lure the gorgeous neighbor boy over to cut my grass as I wash my car. There's nothing hotter than a shrieking middle-aged mom trying not to get sprayed by her toddler with a hose.
I think I just may pay your toddler in gummi bears to definitely hose you and cry “mommy, you’re stinky, you need a wash, too.” That’s not embarrassing, right?
Nope, not at all. I think that's happened, actually.
4. Finish this sentence: I have a lovely bunch of _______.
IwillnotsaycoconutsIwillnotsaycoconutsIwillnotsaycoconuts. Coco— uh, beans. Yes. To make homemade chocolate.
Mouths just watered everywhere… could you make a batch with that shredded white stuff on it? What’s that stuff called again? You know from palm trees??
5. I’ve got these free movie passes from when I was coddling those movie stars a few blog posts back. Which movie are we going to?
Weren't you talking about Sean Connery? He's in that new Fully Monty movie, right? Yeah, can you imagine that hotness. He'd take an old James Bond line and say: "My dear girl, don't flatter yourself. What I did this evening was for king and country. You don't think it gave me any pleasure, do you?"
I’m not sure about the movie being correct…but I WANT it to be correct. I would like the young dastardly Sean to say this while lying on a circular slow spinning 70’s velvet bed. *swoon*
6. One day, I want to buy my own sailboat and race my dad. What should I name it?
Hm, well, your dad is a great sailor with years of experience. You'd want to shock him with a name like “The Morbid Plunderer of the Sea.” Arrrr!
Oddly enough, you were right about my dad. What the flibberty jibbets? You sailed with him didn’t you!! You pirate traitor!!
I was under the influence of Davy Jones' locker stench!
The stench is rotten COCONUTS…wait, that just explained a LOT!
7. Gosh dang it! It’s raining again, and now we have to play indoors. You’re turn to pick the game!
Munchkin! No, Zombies! Wait, I want to play Apples to Apples. No! Let's play— *pulls out another game from the closet and everything topples on her head* Uh, maybe we'll play 50 game pick-up.
Maybe that should be a solo game…I gotta vendetta against a glass shoe store I need to take care of. Peace! *limps away* Stupid Cinderella couture.
8. Christine? What happened??
The Harlem Shake. It's the end of the world.
It’s more like the beginning of Mob Convulsions. Girl stop! You gotta do it like this *puts body on wall and starts convulsions*
You know, that's going to become all the rage now. And boy, do trends like that cause some rage.
I guess you could call that rage convulsions or “rage against the machine”. That is a catchy name. I’m going to create a hard core alternative band and name it that. Dang, I’m original!!
9. If you could interview a dead person, who would it be?
Well, it depends. Would they still be dead as I'm interviewing them? Can they be undead? I don't much like the idea of interviewing a zombie or an enraged ghost. Now a vampire, that's another story. I wouldn't interview Louis. He's a bit dull. Now Eric Northman, oh yes. Yes, yes, YES!
I’m sorry, I called him and Edward over to mow my lawn… this time I’m doing the spraying on myself as I lock the kids in the house…with Cinderella. She owes me big time for my booboo.
Put Edward near Eric and the sparkly one would be without a head within ten seconds. Talk about a booboo!
Considering I taught Edward the Harlem Shake, he would be deflecting all of Eric’s moves doing his rage convulsions. “Boo”yeah!!
10. I know we’ve had a long journey together but I need to ask, are you “going off the rails on a crazy train?”
I was riding a train?! That explains the noise. Whew. I thought I was just crazy. Thankfully it's the train.
Oh shoot girl…that was just me whining. It just sucks because I have no more lawns to have mowed. *throws hose down, walks in house, smacks Cinderella as her glass shoe comes off* I got it! Run kids! Run!!!
I don't know if I survived this interview yet. There's a rogue mower out there looking for something to cut down, and I see the princess is starting to Hulk out. Yikes! And here I was cheering for you while you smacked her around. Oh! What I learned about myself, yes. I learned that I like seeing a Disney princess roughed up, that I want to go to Vegas, and I need to say COCONUTS! Whew. That felt good. Thank you. * falls over *
Don’t forget what else we learned today, you have a shoe fetish with glass. You could possibly use that in a circus act as you walk all over glass & make another $20. You like to be a stinky mama, and have no shame in Eric seeing you as such since you believe he will devour sparkling things, so why be sparkling clean, right? And doing the Harlem Shake did not remove any of that filth, sparkle, or grass from the mower stuck in your hair. Dang, girl!
But, you DID earn your “I SURVIVED MY INTERVIEW WITH TAMMY THERIAULT" BADGE!!!
WEAR IT LOUD AND PROUD AND AS "FILTHY" AS YOU WANT!!
*CARE TO INDULGE YOUR WRITING SENSES AND BE INTERVIEWED?? THERE ARE A FEW FUN SLOTS LEFT!!
EMAIL ME @ TAMMYBR12@GMAIL.COM FOR DETAILS!!