YOU'VE READ IT HERE FIRST!!
***p.s. I specifically did this type of interview as a quick creative writing exercise between 2 people in a "unique" sorta on the spot kinda way & because I like comedy.
1. If you had to choose which WWE Diva to fight, would you go against Morgan's "the Morg" or Darci's "Yo Mama"?
"Can I just hold the sign up for the next round? I'm not a fighter :( "
Of course you can dear (cue sympathetic look because there aren't sign holders). You'll be going as the girl in "Shallow Hal". And yes, you DO get to where the bikini still. Have fun, girl! *grinning deviously*
"...you wouldn't happen to have a spare fat suit I could borrow would you?"
I keep one on me all the time! In fact, I wear it 24/7. So no, you can't borrow this spare tire I'm wearing.
2. Footie Pajamas: adults with weird baby dressing fetishes or cute & comfy?
"I call it being practical. I mean it's like wearing socks to bed without actually wearing socks. Wait...did you mean how I feel about footie pajamas in general or how I feel about adults who wear them?"
Huh? *pulls up Depend, zips up footie pajamas & sticks pacifier in mouth* I'm gonna go night night. *picks up nightie off floor & walks off*
"*Does the exact same thing*"
*Puts foot on Sam's nightie as she falls back. Cue diaper rustling noise as I run to the bed first.*
3. I noticed you're in college. Truthfully...you cheat a bit?
"I tried using an online Spanish translator once & it made my sentences look completely whack. Never again."
La nariz esta creciendo como pinocho mientras que usted esta hablando. (Your nose is growing like Pinocchio while you're talking.) I would wait a few days before going back to school. Not a good look for you...
"Is not -_- My nose is perfectly normal looking right now so..."
Jimney Cricket! Do you ever stop lying? Haven't you learned? *sticks pacifier back in her mouth* Here, this will help.
4. I'm feeling generous; more like food drunkenness from Turkey Day. I'm flying you somewhere, hurry & decide before I pass out.
"Hawaii, so I can pass out on the beach from my food hangover."
Sounds good. Thanks for the idea...peace out, girl! *walks off with luggage in hand* I'm coming for you Mr. Koopmans. *starts to pass out* Crap, I need my footie paj--*snores*
"What if we just showed up at Mark's house? I bet he wouldn't even be mad :D"
*snores loudly dreaming of Sam knocking on his door using her Pinocchio nose*
5. Britney Spears: psycho or publicity diva?
"Would you accept musical genius? Who else could successfully use the phrase "Daddy-O you got the swagger of a champion" in anything? My girl Brit Brit that's who!"
*yells at man walking by* Hey Daddy-O? Yeah you! You got the swagger of a champion! *looks at Sam* I think I just proved you wrong. *turns on electric razor & starts to shave head of Barbie dressed in red leather outfit*
"Yep, I just got OWNED. You win this time."
*puts pacifier back in Samantha's mouth*
6. When I was broke at your age, I would call McDonald's & say they got my order wrong & then I'd get my imaginary meal redone for free. Your turn to call. What place & what are we eating?
"Okay I'm calling Carrabba's & I am absolutely not satisfied with how the olive oil tasted. You know that bread & olive oil combo they do? We're eating that. All night."
I'm gonna have you pick it up in your new WWE "card holder" outfit. Hide me some rolls in that costume. Haha...you can put the rolls under your rolls. *falls down laughing*
That's terrible gratitude for me LETTING you wear my daily fat suit. Cyber-ungratefulness bully! *throws her pacifier on the floor & presses play on Britney song "Oops...I did it again!"*
7. I have this box I have been toting around. Here, it's your turn for a crack at it because SOMEONE gorilla glued it! I have 2 people I suspect...
"It was probably Britney Spears...& David Powers King. Yes, a very likely duo. I have a bunch of pencils nearby. You think I could pry it open with those?"
Britney, David, & pencils? Is David gonna write about how Britney is *presses play on Britney song "Crazy", then throws bald Britney Barbie at box* Nope, not working.
"Oh, I guess I could use this chainsaw that I take with me everywhere for situations like this."
OH MY FREAKIN' GOSH! *runs away with box in hand*
8. This is a fun alphabet/math game. Let's check your smarts. NOPQRSTU If you took out the 2 in the front of P & the 4 in front of U, what do you have left?
"P and U! Nailed it."
I'm glad you happily nailed a good "gass passing." Maybe that much olive oil in one night is a no ,no for you.
"I'm Greek, I can SO handle all of the olive oil."
Actually, according to the indication marker on your Depends...well...let's move on.
9. Do blonde's really have more fun?
"Not really, but for the sake of humanity I pretend that I do. I'm just making the world go round."
Really? Well, for the sake of the same humanity, I pretend to be what red heads are...THE BOMBDIGGITY!! But, with way less to none on the pretending part.
"Red heads don't have souls...I've heard. You are SO NICE though, so I'm sure that's just a rumor."
I, too, carry around a chainsaw with me everywhere for situations like these...
10. Wanna color?
"YES! I still have issues with staying within the lines. I'm not lettting the man tell me where I can & can not color. This is America! I'm free yo!"
Whoa, calm down. Are you going to have a psycho moment? *hides electric razor in purse*
"I've had too much coffee. I can see noises right now O_O"
11. Spongebob or Ren & Stimpy?
"That might be the most difficult question I have ever been asked. I don't think I can even pick. I guess...okay I'll go with Spongebob."
Wait, what? What kind of college are you going to if that was the most difficult questions you've ever been asked?
"A public university in Tennessee. Are you still surprised?"
Yes. *sticks now dirty pacifier in Sam's mouth* Yes, I am...
12. Now, I like to save the best for last. This is a little emotional even for me, & I hope you're prepared for this, but are you Unskinny Bop Bop All Night & Day?
"Don't shoot me but I had to look that one up. To be fair that song came out three years before I was born! I'll just say yes."
I bet you know "Come on get hap-py" which came out decades before you were born! And Britney probably sung when in rehap. *mocking tone* Go Brit Brit!
"That is the ONLY line I know, so I don't really know that song either. Brit Brit probably sings that every single day of her life. I bet you secretly do too."
Crap, you caught me. Sometimes, I go over to her house & we sing it in harmony in our footie pajamas while braiding each other's hair...well...her extensions. And no, you're not invited.
"Fine! I don't even care! *runs away & then falls because my footie pajamas were not made for hardwood floors* I'd say we're best friends now. I mean who else could make me wear a fat suit stuffed with bread & olive oil? Who else makes me use dirty pacifiers? Who else makes me choose between Ren & Stimpy and Spongebob. My girl Tammy, that's who!"
Don't forget what else we learned today...you oddly ask "fat" people if you can wear their "fat suits", you carry a very large purse for saws, you have bowel issues (not my first interview with that problem), you're a compulsive liar so that you can wear the "in" Pinocchio look you're trying to market, & you don't listen to feathered hair or hair-sprayed hair bands...just bald psychotic girls. Yes, I do believe we can be BFFs. Oh wait, Britney said no. *presses play on Britney song "Oh baby, baby...how was I suppose to know.*
But! You DID earn this "I SURVIVED MY INTERVIEW WITH TAMMY THERIAULT" BADGE!!
*Enjoyed the interview? Think you want to take a crack at it & complete the quick wit exercise & earn your badge? Let me know by emailing me at email@example.com